Having navigated the corporate landscape for over three decades, I’ve had the privilege of interviewing and hiring over a hundred individuals across various roles and organizations. Over time, I’ve honed my approach to ensure that I select candidates who possess the necessary skills, align with the organizational culture, and exhibit a commitment to long-term success.
Art of Selecting The Right Fit
As I continue to mentor leaders, a standard query is how to discern whether a candidate is the right fit and likely to remain dedicated to the role. Drawing from my extensive experience, I’ve compiled a comprehensive list of non-negotiable traits and behaviors that serve as red flags during the hiring process, significantly reducing attrition rates within my teams.
List of Non-Negotiable Traits
Let’s delve into each of these points to gain a deeper understanding:
Confidence and Engagement: The ability of an interviewee to maintain eye contact and articulate responses reflects their confidence level. It’s essential to gauge whether they exhibit active engagement during the interview, as it often correlates with their potential to thrive in the role.
Professional Integrity: Negative comments about current or past employers reflect poorly on a candidate’s professionalism and integrity. Such behaviour raises concerns about their ability to maintain confidentiality and handle workplace conflicts constructively.
Punctuality and Professionalism: Respect for time is a fundamental aspect of professionalism. While unforeseen circumstances such as traffic jams may occur, candidates should proactively communicate any delays. Punctuality, coupled with accountability, underscores a candidate’s reliability and commitment.
Interest in Work-Life Balance: Inquiring about the company’s policies regarding work-life balance, vacation entitlements, and breaks provides insight into a candidate’s priorities and expectations. Their response can indicate whether they align with the organization’s values and priorities.
Passion for Learning and Growth: A genuine enthusiasm for learning and a willingness to receive feedback indicate a candidate’s adaptability and potential for growth within the role. Passion drives performance, and candidates who demonstrate curiosity and eagerness to expand their skills are valuable assets to any team.
Demonstration of Humility: Arrogance and impatience are detrimental traits that can disrupt team dynamics and hinder collaboration. Observing how candidates interact with receptionists or front desk personnel can reveal valuable insights into their demeanour and interpersonal skills.
Authenticity and Transparency: Discrepancies between a candidate’s resume and their verbal accounts raise red flags regarding authenticity. Instances of stolen identity or misrepresentation erode trust and credibility, highlighting the importance of thorough background verification.
Preparation and Interest in the Company: Candidates who lack familiarity with the company or fail to ask insightful questions during the interview may need more genuine interest or initiative. Preparation signifies diligence and a proactive approach to understanding the organization’s goals and values.
Humility and Intellectual Curiosity: Humility is a hallmark of strong leadership and teamwork. Candidates who acknowledge their limitations and are willing to learn from others contribute to a positive work culture and foster collaboration.
Adaptability and Resilience: In today’s dynamic business environment, adaptability is crucial for navigating challenges and driving innovation. Assessing a candidate’s ability to thrive amidst change and adversity provides valuable insights into their resilience and potential long-term success within the organization.
Wrapping up
In summary, identifying the right fit goes beyond evaluating technical skills; it entails assessing a candidate’s character, values, and attitude toward professional growth and collaboration.
Organizations can create a high-performing and unified workforce equipped for long-term success by incorporating these essential traits into the hiring process.
Last week, my husband, a few friends, and I went to Ayodhya, a city located on the banks of the holy Sarayu River. It has become a popular destination for tourists and pilgrims alike. According to an article in the Economic Times, Ayodhya recorded 2.4 million visitors just 12 days after the Pran Pratishtha (consecration ceremony) on January 22, 2024.
Upon reaching the entrance, we had to walk approximately 1.5 kilometers to get to the main Sanctorum. The weather was hot, and walking barefoot was challenging, but we were excited to see the Ram Lala idol, so we didn’t mind the pain. The presence of devoted pilgrims and excitement around us made the walk feel even more special.
Lord Rama had returned to his hometown after many centuries, and people from all walks of life came to see him. We saw individuals of all ages and disabilities, making their way to the temple. Some were using wheel chairs and some walked supported by their family members.
While there was heavy security throughout the complex, there was arrangements for medical support, drinking water, tea and coffee on the way. Photography is prohibited throughout.
As I stood in front of the Ram Lala idol, I felt overwhelmed with emotion. Tears filled my eyes, and I felt a deep connection to Lord Rama. It was a powerful moment that words can’t fully describe.
The magnificent black stone idol of Lord Rama as a five-year-old child is simply captivating. It holds your attention and moves you to tears with its beauty and divinity.
We were fortunate enough to witness the Ayodhya Rama Lalla Sandhya Samaya Pallaki Sevaa
Sandhya Samaya Pallaki Sevaa
Serenity by the river Sarayu
Visiting the Sarayu River was another highlight of our trip. As we offered prayers and dipped into the water, I felt a sense of peace wash over me, leaving me refreshed and renewed.
River Sarayu.
The Sarayu River is one of the most important waterways in the state of Uttar Pradesh, India. It is mentioned in ancient Hindu texts such as the Ved and Ramayana.
The river has witnessed many significant events, including the childhood exploits of Lord Rama. It is believed that taking a dip in this river washes away sins and purifies the soul, making it a popular destination for pilgrims seeking spiritual cleansing.
People taking a dip in the river Sarayu.
A Musical Marvel in Ayodhya’s Lata Mangeshkar Chowk
In addition to the Ram Lala temple and the Sarayu River, we also visited the Lata Mangeshkar chowk, a square named after the legendary Indian singer.
The highlight of the chowk was the 40-tonnes Veena, a musical instrument revered in Indian classical music, installed in the center of the square.
The Veena was a sight to behold, and we were amazed by its sheer size and intricate design. We spent some time admiring it and taking pictures before moving on to our next destination.
Ayodhya, with its rich cultural and spiritual history, is a must-visit destination for anyone seeking a divine religious experience.
Ayodhya Entrance
With the inauguration of Ayodhya’s Ram temple, the Jefferies Report anticipates an economic upswing, projecting over 50 million annual tourists in the region. This has resulted in a lot of commercial activity and a flourishing economy.
Local shops cater to the needs of pilgrims and tourists alike by selling commodities for offerings to the deities and souvenirs to take back home for friends and family as blessings.
Vendors selling flowers for offering at the temple
The local community has embraced the influx of visitors, creating a vibrant atmosphere around the temple and the surrounding areas.
Commercial activity in full swing.
Ayodhya truly offers a unique blend of culture, history, and spirituality that is unparalleled anywhere else in the world.
Overall, the trip to Ayodhya was an unforgettable experience that we will cherish forever.
“The emotional scars of our mistakes will teach is far more than the joy of our successes,”- Steven Aitchison
Do you look at past mistakes as terrible events or as growth experiences?
The scars of previous mistakes can prevent us from taking new risks. When we make mistakes, we experience feelings of shame, guilt, and self-doubt. This impacts our confidence and willingness to take on new challenges.
The fear prevents us from taking new risks and trying new things, which can limit our personal growth and prevents us from reaching our full potential.
The story of my coaching client
If you consider past failure a terrible mistake, you must read the story about my coaching client Rahul- a team leader in a big software company.
Rahul was in the same job for over six years and was perfect at it. The company decided to promote him to Team Manager.
Rahul was still determining how he would handle the new role. He accepted the position because the salary increment was too attractive to turn down.
In his new role, Rahul struggled and lost his self-confidence after some time. He was asked to step down. Rahul was devastated.
He agreed to return to his old job as a Team Lead.
Three years later, the company once again promoted him. But the scars of the previous failure were still too raw, and he refused to accept the promotion.
During a coaching call, I convinced him he was a different person from three years ago. Since his last attempt, he has further developed his leadership skills.
He accepted the promotion and became a successful team manager. The turning point was losing the role the first time, which made Rahul hungrier for success.
The story’s moral is to approach new challenges with a growth mindset, viewing mistakes as opportunities for learning and improvement rather than sources of shame and failure.
Are you clouding any growth experiences as mistakes?
Then it would be best to let go of the mistake and grab the opportunity as Rahul did.
“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you did not do than by the ones you did.” – Mark Twain
“The rain is nature’s tears of joy”-Michael Bassey Johnson, in Night of a Thousand Thoughts.
Michael Bassey’s words beautifully describe nature’s way of expressing happiness when it rains.
After a long spell of sweltering heat, the summer raindrops provide some of the happiest moments to all those who have suffered the sunbeams. We humans, animals, and nature alike wait for this relief. And with those first few drops of rain, tears of joy flowed relentlessly.
Indicators of Love and Happiness
Tears of joy are considered indicators of abundant love and happiness.
It was a defining moment that introduced me to the profound concept of tears of joy. The setting was the seismic hotspot of Kutch district in Gujarat, India, where earthquakes are not just occurrences but a regular part of life.
The entire Kutch district is known for being a very high-risk seismic zone, and earth quakes occur there regularly. People here have witnessed some of the worst earth quakes, which resulted in entire towns and cities being razed to the ground.
We were taught the precautionary steps to take whenever we experienced earth quake tremors in school.
A significant earthquake struck early in January during my primary school days in Kutch. The tremors rattled our school building, leading to an evacuation to a safer place. Given the chaos enveloping the entire town, we couldn’t return home immediately.
With my father on hospital duty, my mother and our neighbours had evacuated their homes and assembled on the streets. Alone at home, my mom anxiously awaited news about my safety. Communication lines were severed, and mobile technology did not exist then.
The quake’s intensity caused widespread disruption and destruction throughout the city. Our school authorities wisely kept us safe until the tremors subsided, arranging transportation to drop us home only when it was safe to return.
Upon reaching home, my parents stood by the gate, their worries etched on their faces. Spotting me alighting from the bus, my mom rushed toward me, enveloping me in a tight hug. Then, I felt her tears streaming down — tears of joy. She couldn’t contain the overwhelming surge of relief and happiness.
The Types of Tears of Joy and Happiness
Crying, often associated with sorrow, also positively affects our well-being, helping us manage emotions and maintain emotional balance. Researchers have identified four distinct types of positive tears:
Affectionate Tears: My mom’s tears, triggered by our embrace, fell into this category. These tears emerge from an unexpected rush of gratitude and warmth.
Achievement Tears: Tears of triumph accompany accomplishing something significant or overcoming an obstacle.
Beauty Tears: Triggered by profound beauty, such as captivating music or a mesmerizing natural scene.
Amusement Tears: Shed when uncontrollable laughter is prompted by something incredibly amusing.
As C.S. Lewis aptly stated, “Joy is the serious business of heaven.”
Little did I know how intertwined joy and tears could become until a single moment etched its indelible mark on the canvas of my life.
Have you ever experienced a moment filled with joy that it spilt over into tears?
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”- Victor Frankl.
The question is how many of us have the willpower to change ourselves. It was a tough lesson for me.
I was all set to attend the most important meeting for the day. The meeting with the senior leadership team of my company was for reviewing my readiness for a promotion. My presentation was ready, and I had prepared it meticulously to impress my target audience.
I woke up in the morning with anxiety and curiosity in anticipation of the meeting outcomes. Partly nervous and partly excited about how the day would unfold. I had done everything in my control and prepared to make it a success.
Considering the traffic disruptions, I made sure I am in the office much before the meeting starts.
When I reached the office, my boss informed me that the meeting was cancelled. The cancellation was because of an unfortunate incident with one of the participant.
My mood tanked, and there was nothing I could do to snap out of it. I blamed my luck. This meeting was expected to change my career for the better. But as always, something cropped up that dashed my hopes.
I was hard on myself.
There was no explanation for this unfortunate happening. Everything looked like a failure.
This incident happened to me about 20 years back, but I remember how unsettling it was even to this day. Such events would upset me, and I would blame my fate. For days on end, I would be miserable.
I evaluated this incident based on my belief that luck would never favour me. I was stuck with this belief.
My thinking was neither rational nor logical. I was under the influence of cognitive bias that had made me believe that good things never happened to me.
Choosing one’s attitude
Hogg & Vaughan (2005) defined an attitude as “a relatively enduring organization of beliefs, feelings, and behavioral tendencies towards socially significant objects, groups, events or symbols.”
Different Psychologist’s have defined Attitudes in different ways. In summary, attitude is generally a positive or negative view of a person, place, event or object.
Attitudes can change since they are not carved on stone.
Celebrated Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl said about attitude, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
Whenever something did not turn out the way I had expected, I would blame it on my luck. I had chosen to react to such incidents with frustration, bitterness and would make myself miserable. I learnt later in life that I was negatively looking at things. The power to change my way of thinking and, therefore, my behaviour was in my control. But I was making no effort to look at it with a different lens. I had used the freedom to chose my attitude, but I had made the wrong choice.
Developing a positive mindset
My coach helped me become aware of my self-limiting beliefs. I had to shift my mindset and develop a positive attitude towards life. It wasn’t easy at first. Because while I understood the negative thoughts held me back, I wondered how to shift my perspective. I had only seen failures so far.
The road to a successful life depended on my attitude. I could change my destiny if I let go of the beliefs that I had closely held for so long. The power of attitude could change my future. It took some time, but when the words did sink in, I started looking at things more positively. The turning point came one year after I changed my attitude to look at situations more positively. After that, there was no looking back. I was energized to make my dreams come true.
Lessons I learnt on how to achieve success through a positive mental attitude.
I had decided to let go of the negative thought pattern that had put me in a permanent state of pessimism. My coach was my accountability partner while I walked on this difficult journey. My experience taught me a few things.
One needs an intense desire to change and achieve something, and only then it gets done. I had to remain strong in the face of repeated adverse events.
Positive affirmation helped me to overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. Every morning I would say I will be successful in my career.
I surrounded myself with friends, relatives and colleagues who inspired and motivated me.
Instead of blaming myself for any bad event, I started looking for practical solutions to improve the situation. There was learning in every situation. Eventually, I was looking for opportunities in any adverse case and was striving to achieve my goal.
My efforts helped me find my inner strength, which was a significant transformation for me.
William Ernest Henley very rightly said in his poem, Invictus: “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.” One has to position oneself firmly in the driver’s seat and take control to reach your final destination. I did get to my destination and achieved all my goals.
“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you” -Brian Tracy.
“Many Years ago,I made a New Year’s resolution to never make New Year’s resolutions. Hell, it’s been the only resolution I’ve ever kept!”- D.S MIXELL
As the calendar turns a new leaf, many embark on the tradition
of making New Year’s resolutions, vowing to transform their lives for the better.
However, this year, I find myself deviating from this well-established practice.
The reason? A realization that has slowly dawned on me over the years is that
resolutions often lead to unrealized expectations and unnecessary pressure.
In this article, I’ll share my perspective on why I chose to forgo resolutions and
opt for a more liberated approach to self-improvement.
The Weight of Unmet Resolutions
Year after year, I found myself crafting ambitious resolutions only to realize, come
February, that most of them lay by the wayside, unfulfilled.
The burden of unmet resolutions weighed heavily on my shoulders, creating a cycle of disappointment.
It led me to question the effectiveness of such traditional goal-setting practices.
Statistics on Resolution Abandonment
To shed light on the commonality of this experience, let’s delve into some statistics.
According to a study conducted by the University of Scranton, only about 8% of people successfully achieve their New Year resolutions.
Shockingly, by the end of January, more than 25% of individuals have already abandoned their goals. These numbers underscore the challenges of sticking to resolutions and the need
for a different approach.
The Liberation of a Resolution-Free Mindset
This year, I’ve adopted a resolution-free mindset instead of succumbing to the pressure of resolutions. The decision to go with the flow and embrace habits
that contribute to my overall well-being has been liberating. It allows me to
focus on continuous improvement without the rigid constraints of specific
resolutions.
Exploring Free-Flowing Well-being Habits
Without the confines of resolutions, I’ve discovered the joy of exploring well-being habits
organically. From mindfulness practices and regular exercise to fostering
meaningful connections, these habits contribute to my holistic development
without the looming fear of failure.
This approach encourages a positive
mindset, fostering a sense of accomplishment regardless of the scale of the
habit.
In the fast-paced world in which we all reside; we forget the power of praying and wishing good things for others. The divine force that resides in each of us helps us to bless others. This act enriches our own existence.
Therefore, I have decided to consciously wish happiness for others every day: people in my community, my circle of friends, and those I encounter daily.
Conclusion:
In a world inundated with the pressure to make and achieve New Year resolutions, opting for a resolution-free mindset can be a breath of fresh air. The statistics on resolution abandonment highlight the common struggle many face.
Embracing a more liberated approach to self-improvement alleviates the burden and allows for personal growth without the constraints of unmet expectations.
As we navigate the new year, let’s consider the path of well-being over the rigidity of resolutions, embracing a journey of continuous improvement with flexibility and joy.
I wish all my readers a year filled with abundant happiness, blessings and good health.🎉
Unlocking Happiness. Photo by Felix Young on Pexels.com
Have you ever felt that happiness has eluded you for an eternity?
I certainly experienced that sentiment in 2023.
As the year draws to a close, I took a moment to reflect on the lessons learned and the moments of joy amid the challenges.
The past year brought its share of hardships. My 94-year-old mother endured a collapsed disc, rendering her bedridden for months. Subsequently, a diagnosis of dementia added complexity to her care. Managing her increasing agitation has made the role of a caregiver even more daunting. Throughout this ordeal, feelings of loneliness and sadness enveloped me, as I found it heart-wrenching to witness her suffering.
On a personal note, I underwent health issues. Despite assurances that cataract surgery is routine and boasts a 99.9% success rate, I found myself in the 0.1% with complications to navigate. It made me question why I fell into that statistical minority.
Adding to the challenges, a dear friend received a lung cancer diagnosis, embarking on a grueling journey of radiation and chemotherapy. Observing her wrestle with this life-threatening illness has been emotionally taxing.
The negatives seemed to outweigh the positives in 2023.
Desperate to fill the void of happiness, I sought solace in various activities – immersing myself in social media, binge-watching TV serials, and indulging in online shopping. However, the happiness derived from these pursuits was fleeting, leaving me feeling stuck.
Happiness Or Pleasure
I came to realize that what I was achieving was pleasure, not happiness. Pleasure may offer momentary satisfaction, but it lacks the enduring quality of true happiness.
In my quest for inner peace amidst chaos, a quote by Tibetan teacher Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche struck a chord: “You don’t need to look for peace, calm, joy because when you look for them, they will disappear.” This revelation prompted me to reconsider my approach to happiness.
Life’s stressors were overwhelming, and the more I pursued happiness, the more elusive it became.
Learning Is The First Step To Seeking Happiness
The first step towards true happiness is learning. “Remember this, that very little is needed to make a happy life.” — Marcus Aurelius.
In times of stress, I turned to “The Art Of Happiness” by The Dalai Lama. The book emphasized that external sources like wealth, worldly pursuits, or physical health are not the pathways to happiness. Happiness transcends external stimuli and requires a rejection of negative emotions while embracing positive ones.
Unlocking inner happiness became a priority. “When things change inside you, things change around you.” — Unknown.
While understanding the principles was straightforward, implementing them demanded a mental shift. I had habitually perceived my circumstances negatively, necessitating a conscious effort to adopt a positive perspective and find inner happiness.
Actions taken to unlock my inner happiness:
Compiled a list of positives from 2023, no matter how few.
Recognized and utilized the healing power of nature by creating a balcony garden.
Practiced gratitude by maintaining a gratitude jar, shifting focus from complaints to blessings.
Prioritized self-care through early morning deep breathing exercises and Yoga.
Cultivated a sense of self-worth, aiding in coping with adversities and gaining perspective on negatives.
Aristotle’s belief resonates: “True happiness has to do with ‘internal goods’…instead of those far too popular ‘external goods.’”
Realizing that true happiness lies in appreciating life’s simple blessings has been my paramount lesson from 2023.
“There is no limit to what we, as women, can accomplish.” Michelle Obama
I wholeheartedly echo Michelle Obama’s sentiments. I have consistently believed that women must have unwavering self-belief to attain success in any endeavor they choose to pursue.
Education alone does not guarantee a path to success
Recently, during a speed mentoring session with a group of dynamic young ladies, I encountered a disheartening situation. One accomplished woman, having excelled in her studies, completed her engineering degree and secured a position in a prestigious IT company, was suddenly pressured by her family to quit her job and get married.
Unfortunately, such scenarios are not uncommon in India, where societal expectations often dictate a woman’s life choices, especially regarding marriage.
At a school reunion last month, another instance caught my attention. A friend shared that his daughter, a qualified Chartered Accountant, struggled to find a suitable job. Eager to assist, I discovered that the challenge went beyond the job search—she lacked the motivation to pursue employment actively.
These examples highlight a crucial aspect: education alone is not sufficient.
True success requires an inner drive and a purpose. Familial pressures and unsupportive environments often dissuade young women from pursuing their careers. However, a strong desire and ambition enable individuals to filter out the noise and focus on achieving their goals.
Seeking help is not weakness
Young women must seek help without considering it a sign of weakness. As aspiring individuals, building a support system is crucial, and this involves reaching out to parents, in-laws, husbands, brothers, friends, or anyone capable of assisting. Demonstrating your ability to manage responsibilities at home and work can inspire others to support your ambitions.
In today’s world, giving up everything is no longer the only option for women. Technology has brought knowledge to our doorsteps. Embrace it, explore the world, expand your knowledge, and aspire to achieve meaningful goals. While priorities in life may shift, women possess the resilience to adjust their goals accordingly.
Breaking Stereotypes
Establishing robust support systems aids in navigating changing priorities. Although career breaks are inevitable, they need not be permanent setbacks. With numerous online courses available, women can utilize reskilling and personal development opportunities.
Acknowledging that some biases are generational, it’s essential to challenge and change these perspectives over time. Empowering women to believe in themselves, ask for support, and pursue their ambitions is not just an individual endeavour but a collective effort towards breaking stereotypes and fostering a more inclusive society.
“We need women at all levels, including the top, to change the dynamic, reshape the conversation, to make sure women’s voices are heard and heeded, not overlooked and ignored.” Sheryl Sandberg
Navigating Emotional Turbulence- Photo by alleksana on Pexels.com
In the past few days, I found myself caught in the midst of a power struggle unfolding around the execution of high-value projects within our gated community. The management association, responsible for overseeing our community buildings, has unfortunately lost the trust of its residents due to a lack of transparency in financial matters. This has led to a surge in communication, with a barrage of emails exchanged between residents and the association board members
On yet another occasion, during a client presentation, my focus was repeatedly disrupted by one of the client partners. This proved to be a source of frustration, but I felt powerless to shield myself from such challenging individuals.
I have had similar experiences in social circles when certain people where certain individuals consistently provoke irritation and leave me feeling annoyed.
During all the above situations, I experienced getting angry, frustrated, judgmental, and a host of feelings I could not decipher. But it was translating into stress, which I knew was detrimental to my wellbeing. In the past, I have felt similar emotions while reacting to toxic situations at work. I would come out of meetings which felt toxic, argumentative, and not worth spending time at.
These emotions drained my energy levels and, for two days following the event, I hated to do anything constructive as they also hindered my ability to think clearly. I pushed myself to work and stay engaged in work, but it wasn’t easy. Any attempt to think clearly failed. I would find it difficult to manage these emotions, but do nothing about it. Thinking it would disappear with time, and I would be fine again.
Recognizing the need for change, I sought the assistance of a coach to help me manage these emotions and develop the capacity to accept circumstances while experiencing the associated feelings. It became evident that my habitual response was reactive, contributing to stress and an unhealthy environment.
Reacting to Situations Emotionally
“Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear”? ~ Lao Tzu
My coach helped me understand that I was reacting to situations. Mindfulness of my emotions during these moments allowed me to pause and respond more thoughtfully, leading to a more composed and confident approach.
A reaction is the root cause for distress, unclear thinking, and creating a toxic environment. When you respond, it would be a more rounded, controlled, and confident you responding to a situation.
Expectation Trap Causing Emotional Turbulence
“You are your own worst enemy. If you can learn to stop expecting impossible perfection, in yourself and others, you may find the happiness that has always eluded you.” ~ Lisa Kleypas, Love in the Afternoon
The root of my frustration and anger, as I discovered, lay in unmet expectations. Like everyone else, I held expectations for my surroundings, relationships, work, and various aspects of life. The intensity of my emotional responses depended on the degree of attachment to these expectations. In times when expectations were unmet, frustration ensued, occasionally leading to self-blame for perceived failures.
Most times, I would blame myself for not meeting expectations. Sometimes I thought I had failed completely and I did not have the ability to meet my own expectations.
To mitigate these emotional storms, I learned to lower my expectations, thereby gaining greater control over the intensity and frequency of my emotional reactions.
Acceptance
“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.” ~ Michael J Fox
I remember Marshall Goldsmith’s article Can You Let Go?. Marshall talks about how acceptance of certain people, or situations, helps to liberate us from toxic emotions.
I have now learned the art of acceptance. I have lowered my expectations and am mindful of my emotions when responding to certain situations or people. I, therefore, am more controlled and do not react.
Lessons Learned
A pivotal lesson emerged from this journey—learning to be mindful of my emotions and embracing a pause before responding. While it initially required practice and patience, this newfound approach has empowered me to navigate similar situations with a positive response, preventing emotions from becoming a source of stress.
My hibiscus plant has a unique and fascinating story. For several years, I’ve been tending to a hibiscus plant on my balcony garden. What makes this plant so special is its vibrant, multicoloured flowers.
It has consistently bloomed for almost a decade, bringing me immense joy and happiness.
However, six months ago, my beloved hibiscus plant suddenly stopped flowering and begain to wither, appearing sickly. I was determined to revive it and tried everything I could think of.
I repotted it into a larger container, carefully untangled the knotted roots, changed the soil, and added essential nutrients. I patiently waited, hoping that my efforts would pay off, but to my disappointment, the hibiscus showed no signs of rejuvenation.
It continued to look sad and feeble, and I had begun to believe it might have reached the end of its life. I reluctantly decided to discard the plant and purchase a new one.
However, life had other plans. Due to my upcoming travel, I got caught up with preparations and completely forgot about the plant. In my absence ,my domestic help faithfully watered the hibiscus, along with the rest of my balcony garden.
Upon my return, I was pleasantly surprised to notice a tiny, vibrant green sprig emerging from the plant. Over the next few weeks, I observed the growth of new leaves.
To my absolute delight, this morning, as I strolled onto my balcony, I was greeted by the enchanting sight of a beautiful pink hibiscus flower in full bloom. I cannot express the overwhelming happiness I felt upon seeing this unexpected burst of life and colour.
Lesson Learnt
This experience taught me a valuable lesson.
I didn’t give up on my hibiscus plant; I continued to nurture it, even when all hope seemed lost.
This is a testament to the enduring friendship between me and the plant over the years.
As George Washington wisely noted, ” True friendship is a plant of slow growth,” this hibiscus plant exemplifies the beauty of perseverance and patience in nurturing such relationships.
Do I feel off balance today, or is something throwing me off? This is a question I frequently pose to myself, pondering what actions I can take to regain my equilibrium.
It has become a recurring occurrence, happening nearly three times a week, where I am in a state of imbalance.
As Dolly Parton astutely remarked, “Never become so absorbed in the pursuit of a livelihood that you neglect the creation of a life.”
Balance is a fundamental principle of life. However, in today’s ever-changing, volatile, and chaotic world, achieving this balance poses a significant challenge.
My typical routine involves planning my day the night before, yet more often than not, I find myself deviating from these plans. Last-minute requests for urgent work, unexpected errands, or emergencies constantly arise, disrupting my equilibrium.
In our environment, there is a prevailing sense of unrest and disturbance. While technology has brought the world closer together and eliminated boundaries, it has also eroded our core human values.
Intense competition, the never-ending pursuit of wealth and fame, and the desire for a life of comfort, all compounded by the pressure to portray an idealized self on social media, have contributed to the imbalance in our personal lives.
Research indicates that stress-ridden work environments, financial instability, increasing job insecurity, rapid urbanization, a decline in physical activity, and sedentary behaviours are all culprits behind significant health issues.
Conceiving Our Life as a Four-Wheeled Vehicle
Recently, as I prepared for a long road trip, I took my car to the garage for servicing. The mechanic strongly recommended wheel balancing, given the upcoming journey. He advised me to ensure the wheels were aligned correctly to minimize unexpected road bumps.
This experience made me contemplate how our lives can be likened to a four-wheeled vehicle.
When we visualize our lives as cars, we recognize the need for equilibrium on all four wheels. These four wheels represent Personal Life, Relationships, Work Life, and Social Contributions. Striking the right balance between these aspects can undoubtedly lead to a smoother and more enjoyable journey.
However, it is vital to acknowledge that, akin to a car, life may still encounter unanticipated bumps and curves. Being prepared, fostering resilience, and adapting when necessary are crucial for navigating such challenges effectively.
Key Points on Leading a Balanced Life as suggested by Deepak Chopra.
Deepak Chopra, a well-known author and speaker on holistic health and wellness, has provided numerous suggestions for leading a balanced life. While his recommendations encompass a wide range of topics, here are some key points that he has emphasized:
Mindfulness and Meditation: Deepak Chopra often stresses the importance of mindfulness and meditation as tools for reducing stress, increasing self-awareness, and promoting mental clarity. Regular meditation practices help in achieving balance.
Healthy Eating: He advocates for a balanced and nourishing diet. Consuming whole foods, emphasizing fruits and vegetables, and avoiding processed or unhealthy foods are key aspects of leading a balanced life.
Regular Exercise: Incorporating physical activity into your daily routine is crucial for maintaining physical health and mental well-being. Regular exercise can help manage stress, improve mood, and enhance overall vitality.
Stress Management: Deepak Chopra emphasizes the need to manage stress effectively. Techniques such as deep breathing, yoga, and mindfulness can help reduce stress levels.
Quality Sleep: Prioritizing sleep is vital for physical and mental health. He often recommends establishing healthy sleep routines and adequate rest to support overall balance.
Emotional Wellbeing: Nurturing emotional well-being is a significant component of leading a balanced life. This may include expressing emotions, fostering positive relationships, and engaging in joyful activities.
Purpose and Meaning: Finding purpose and meaning in life can contribute to a sense of balance and fulfillment. Deepak Chopra encourages individuals to explore their passions, interests, and values to lead a more purposeful life.
Spiritual Growth: Deepak Chopra often discusses the importance of spiritual growth to connect with one’s inner self and promote a sense of balance and harmony.
Holistic Health: He emphasizes the holistic nature of health, where the mind, body, and spirit are interconnected. Addressing all aspects of health is essential for overall balance.
Positive Affirmations and Intentions: Deepak Chopra recommends using positive affirmations and setting clear intentions to align your thoughts and actions with your goals and values.
Community and Social Connections: Building and maintaining supportive relationships and connections with others is an essential part of leading a balanced life.
Self-Care: Prioritizing self-care is critical. Taking time for relaxation, self-reflection, and personal growth can contribute to overall well-being.
Individual needs and circumstances can vary, so it’s valuable to explore and adapt these principles to your own life to create a personalized path toward balance and well-being.
“What motivates you to start your day?” I often pose this question to my coaching clients, and the responses I receive can be truly inspiring and filled with passion.
The Japanese have a term for identifying this morning motivation: “Ikigai.” It encompasses why a person gets up in the morning and the driving force behind their actions.
Confucius once said, “If you do a job that you really love, it won’t feel like work, but rather a source of enjoyment.” This phenomenon occurs when one lives with passion, intensity, and a commitment to fulfilling their deepest desire.
Discovering Your Life’s Purpose
Identifying your life’s purpose can be a challenging quest. However, when you’ve pinpointed your likes and passions, it becomes easier to recognize your purpose. Your individual values and passions guide you towards your personal life goals and help you stride purposefully forward.
For me, a career aimed at improving the lives of others has always been my primary goal. My initial aspiration was to have a meaningful career. To achieve this, I dedicated myself to acquiring new skills and knowledge that made me adaptable to various work environments and domains.
Learning should never cease, and one should strive to be a lifelong learner.
Building Fulfilling Relationships
Fostering healthy and reciprocal relationships enables effective communication with others, fostering a better understanding. As a coach and mentor, I treat individuals in a way that inspires and respects them.
Through my experiences and lessons learned, I openly share my failures, successes, and life journey with the people I mentor.
Nature and Art: A Second Purpose
My love for nature and art enriches my life and serves my second purpose.
Age Is Just A Number
Age should never limit your pursuit of your passions. I recently had a conversation with my 89-year-old cousin, who continues to pursue her passion for theatre, acting in films, and writing stories for magazines. At the age of 85, she even decided to take music lessons.
My 94-year-old mother is another inspiring example. She remains dedicated to her passion for knitting, crafting items for underprivileged children and donating to NGOs that support orphans. These remarkable women have set an extraordinary example, proving that age should never hinder your dreams. Life offers rare opportunities to follow your passions, and you should seize them.
Closing Thoughts
Have you ever noticed how your body feels when you engage in activities you are passionate about? It’s a remarkable sensation, filled with immense joy, relaxation, a natural high, and a deep commitment to the task at hand.
Given my purpose in life to help others, I initially provided a lot of pro-bono coaching and mentoring to help individuals progress in their personal and professional lives. Volunteering in this way allowed me to gain valuable experience. Collaborating with individuals from various industries also gave me insights into how I could add value and assist others.
In the wise words of David Cuschieri, “Love what you do and do what you love. Passion is the key that opens the door to joy and abundance.”
“In every walk with nature, one receives far more than they seek.” – John Muir.
I couldn’t agree more with John Muir. A few years ago, I was in Berlin in the early spring. I had arrived in Berlin on a Sunday morning, feeling sluggish and jet-lagged. To shake off the weariness, I decided to step outside and breathe in some fresh air, and where better to do that than the Tiergarten, which was conveniently close to where I was staying?
The Tiergarten worked wonders for my mood. As John Lubbock aptly put it, “Fresh air is as beneficial for the mind as it is for the body. Nature always seems to be trying to communicate with us, as if she holds some great secret. And indeed, she does.”
Tiergarten-Berlin .Photo Credit-Author
During that early spring morning, the Tiergarten transformed into a breathtaking landscape of pinks, oranges, and greens, with fallen petals creating a delicate carpet on the ground.
It was a delightful experience to take a stroll through the park, absorbing the harmonious blend of colours and the sheer beauty of it all.
This park boasts magnificent trees, serene lakes, and a profusion of flowers.
Tiergarten Berlin. Photo Credit-Author
It’s so vast that one could quickly lose their way; I certainly didn’t realize its immense size when I embarked on my walk.
The Tiergarten is the largest park in Berlin. Immersing myself in the park’s flora and fauna filled me with an overwhelming sense of peace and tranquillity.
Lakes in Tier Garten -Berlin. Photo Credit-Author
That Sunday morning in Berlin started with happiness for me, much like Mary Oliver’s words in
“Hello, sun in my face. Hello, you who made the morning and spread it over the fields… Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness.”
This post was first published in Reciprocal Publication of Medium.
Life is filled with moments of doubt and uncertainty, but powerful quotes have the ability to keep us on track.
Motivational quotes have always inspired me on my journey, enabling me to overcome challenges and achieve my dreams.
Lesson 1: Determination
“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” -Collin Powell.
This lesson has resonated with me throughout my personal and professional life. I’ve encountered numerous challenges during my college days and throughout my career.
However, the enduring wisdom imparted to me by my father was the importance of unwavering focus and determination.
Lesson 2: Experience
“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment”-Rita Mae Brown
This insight from Rita Mae Brown has guided my approach to failure.
Instead of becoming demotivated by setbacks, I’ve been taught to view them as opportunities for growth and learning. Experience serves as a valuable source of wisdom, offering invaluable life lessons, personal growth, and self-awareness.
Lesson 3: Mindset
“Obstacles can’t stop you. Problems can’t stop you. Most of all, other people can’t stop you. Only you can stop you.”-Jeffrey Gitomer
Cultivating a growth mindset is essential for overcoming life’s challenges and preventing our minds from becoming roadblocks.
“There is only one way to succeed in anything and that is to give it everything.”-Vince Lombardi.
Vince Lombardi’s words further emphasize the idea that nothing worthwhile comes easily, highlighting the necessity of determination and effort in turning dreams into reality.
Lesson 4: Questions
“Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.”-Voltaire
Voltaire’s perspective compels us to be grateful. Instead of dwelling on negative questions like “why me,”? it’s important to cultivate gratitude for what we have – the ability to breathe, walk, and think for ourselves.
Lesson 5: Failure
“Success is not final; failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”-Winston Churchill.
My father instilled in me the belief that hard work and perseverance are within our control, and with enough of both, success becomes inevitable.
These five inspirational quotes continue to shape my life, reminding me of the importance of determination, experience, mindset, thoughtful questions, and the courage to persevere in the face of failure. They serve as guiding beacons on my journey towards personal growth and success.
Who doesn’t want to feel like a kid again? I would love to be one!! There is something magical about it.
I still love the merry-go-round and don’t hesitate to ride one whenever the opportunity presents itself.
“Life is a merry-go-round ride”, reminds me of the childhood rhyme we all grew up singing in our kindergarten,
“Ring a ring, a rosie
A pocketful of posies
A-tishoo! a-tishoo!
We all fall down.”
Isn’t Life somewhat similar?
Life is a roller coaster, with many highs and lows and curves. We get tossed around, but things level out in the end, and life returns to normal until the next ride.
I can relate to this with my example. When I passed my final year of engineering and received a job offer letter from a well-known engineering company in Pune, I was full of energy and optimism and felt like I was on top of the world.
I started my career excitedly and enthusiastically, like a child hopping onto a merry-go-round.
Like the horses on the merry-go-round that goes up and down, repeating the same motion, my career also experienced success, achievements, failures, setbacks and disappointments. And this continued throughout my career of three decades and more.
Each time I changed jobs, I went through this same cycle. Initially, everything in the new job is exciting, and then slowly, the monotony sets in.
I had to take on further risks, grab new opportunities, work on new initiatives and keep moving. Despite the challenges, I kept pushing forward and finding new ways to develop and grow professionally.
After spending three decades and more in the industry, reflecting on my career journey, I realised that despite the ups and downs, it was all worth it.
I feel grateful for the experiences, the people I met along the way and the lessons I learned.
What I experienced in my career is also what we experience in all aspects of our lives.
Life is Fleeting
The phrase, Life is a merry-go-round also suggests that life is fleeting and we should enjoy the ride while we can.
The fragility of life is daunting, and it inspires us to live in the present and enjoy and appreciate every moment we have.
The COVID-19 pandemic brought home the reality that Life is fleeting.
I lost some good friends who were hale and hearty a few days before they became seriously ill, had to be admitted to the hospital, and succumbed to the disease. It reminded me of the fragility and unpredictability of Life.
It is easy to get caught up in the daily grind of Life. Life can change instantly; therefore, we need to cherish every moment with our loved ones.
Time passes quickly, and I, therefore, adopt some fundamental ways to embrace the fleeting nature of Life,
Appreciating people and letting them know how much I love and care for them helps me cherish every moment I spend with them. Life is short, and we never know when our loved ones will be taken away from us. My mom has been diagnosed with late-onset dementia. I spend time with her and look at old photos with her. She remembers something, and we talk about it. When she is in a good mood, I ask her for recipes, and she tells me whatever she remembers. I spend time every evening watching television with her. My friends come and meet her every evening and hug her.
Pursue my passions even amid all uncertainties. I continue spending time consulting, writing and gardening even though a large part of my day is spent in elder care activities.
I have started maintaining a gratitude journal and spending time every evening reflecting and writing about things I am grateful for. I write about all things that made me smile during the day.
In conclusion, I have learnt to make the most of every moment. Life is a precious gift, and better make it meaningful.
“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” – Haruki Murakami
This insightful quote resonates with ancient Buddhist wisdom and holds a profound truth. I’ve encountered its wisdom in my personal journey, and today, I witness its relevance when working with young leaders and individuals within the companies I consult for.
There is a relationship between pain and happiness. Be it in personal life or professional life.
My aspiration to become an engineer after graduating from school was fraught with challenges. Securing admission to my preferred college was an arduous endeavour, and even after achieving that milestone, I had to exert immense effort to enrol in the engineering branch of my choice.
My father, a source of enduring wisdom, instilled in me the belief that success doesn’t come easily. He often cited Winston Churchill’s words, “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” This lesson has remained my guiding light throughout my life.
Many young people today dream of a thriving corporate career, a prestigious corner office, financial prosperity, and a harmonious work-life balance. However, they often underestimate the demanding journey that leads to such achievements. Failure to anticipate and address the challenges on this path can result in disappointment and depression.
Success and happiness in the professional realm necessitate a willingness to grapple with adversity, job uncertainties, setbacks, rejections, and, at times, toxic work environments or lengthy commutes. The rewards and contentment we seek are intrinsically connected to the difficulties we endure—a truth that cannot be ignored.
It’s akin to taking bitter medicine; only by doing so can we alleviate suffering and find the rewards we seek.
The Oak Tree In The Garden- Embracing Pain
Allow me to share a Zen story that underscores the importance of embracing suffering as an integral facet of life:
In a lush garden filled with an array of trees, flowers, and plants, a towering oak tree stood at the centre, exuding strength and grandeur. Many admired this oak tree for its imposing presence.
One day, a traveller passing through the garden took notice of the oak tree and approached it. He exclaimed, “You are undeniably a magnificent tree, standing tall and proud. You must be the happiest tree in this entire garden.”
The oak tree humbly responded, “I appreciate your kind words, but my happiness isn’t solely derived from my stature and strength. Over the course of my long existence, I’ve weathered countless storms, fierce winds, and harsh winters. I’ve endured the pain of broken branches, falling leaves, and the weight of snow and ice on my limbs. These very experiences have molded me into the tree you see before you.”
Perplexed, the traveller inquired, “But how can you claim to be happy after enduring so much suffering?”
The oak tree replied, “It is through these storms and struggles that I have grown stronger, developing deeper roots. It is through pain that I’ve acquired resilience. It is amidst the changing seasons that I’ve found peace and acceptance. Happiness, to me, is not the absence of suffering but the wisdom to discover joy and contentment amid life’s challenges.”
This Zen story poignantly illustrates that happiness is not the mere absence of pain and suffering but, instead, the capacity to unearth meaning, growth, and serenity amidst life’s tribulations.
The Energy Of Mindfulness for Embracing Pain
Practising mindfulness breathing can give us the inner strength to embrace pain and suffering. Thich Nhat Hanh, the renowned Zen Buddhist master, elucidates the art of finding happiness amid suffering in his book, “No Mud, No Lotus: The Art of Transforming Success.” This practical guide empowers us to tackle life’s problems, both minor and monumental, with equanimity.
Wrapping Up
In life, there are no rewards without risks, just as there is no destination without a journey. Isabel Allende aptly captures this sentiment: “There is no light without shadow, just as there is no happiness without pain.” Embracing pain and suffering as part of our journey is the path to true happiness and fulfilment.
In 2015, I was on a two-week business trip to Norway, a journey that left a lasting impression.
During my stay, I had the privilege of exploring Oslo, Bergen, and Stavanger. This was my first visit to this enchanting Scandinavian realm, and what struck me profoundly was the Norwegians’ profound affinity for Nature.
Their deep-rooted connection to the outdoors spoke volumes about their love for Nature.
Although my primary purpose was business; regrettably, the time constraints kept me from experiencing some of Norway’s most splendid natural wonders—such as the ethereal Northern Lights, the majestic Fjords, and the awe-inspiring waterfalls that dot the landscape.
Nonetheless, being stationed in Stavanger allowed me to seize a weekend opportunity: the chance to hike to Preikestolen, also called Pulpit Rock. Being an ardent nature lover, I did want to miss this opportunity. One of my Norwegian colleagues agreed to accompany me. Hiking is deeply ingrained in Norwegian culture, an emblem of their profound appreciation for Nature.
I had no prior experience of hiking in mountainous terrain. The Preikestolen hike, boasting an elevation gain of approximately 500 meters and steep sections, is moderately challenging. Fortunately, the weather smiled upon us that weekend, gracing us with abundant sunlight that facilitated our ascent. Equipped with hiking gear, thanks to my colleague’s foresight.
I couldn’t wait to embark on this mountain hike.
I couldn’t fathom missing this golden opportunity as an ardent nature enthusiast. The view before me appeared like heaven had descended upon Earth, a realm of unspoiled purity and invigorating freshness. My eagerness to embark on this mountainous journey was palpable.
A mix of excitement and nervousness bubbled inside me, but I was ready to embrace the challenge and devour the incredible views along the way.
Our journey from Stavanger to Pulpit Point involved a ferry ride—a mesmerizing expanse of boundless sea, a sight that spoke volumes about Norway’s awe-inspiring beauty. In the face of such natural grandeur, words felt inadequate.
The round trip demanded roughly five hours of our time, an endeavour that I remarkably completed without incident despite my prior lack of hiking experience.
Anatoli Boukreev’s words encapsulate the very essence of mountain hiking: “Mountains are not stadiums where I satisfy my ambition to achieve, they are the cathedrals where I practice my religion.”
This sentiment encapsulates the profound impact of mountainous hikes. It implies that these peaks are not mere physical challenges or arenas for personal conquest; instead, they are sacred spaces where individuals forge a spiritual connection with Nature, transcending personal ambitions for a more profound sense of purpose.
Anatoli Boukreev’s words resonated with my personal experience from this hike.
Photo by Oleksandr P on Pexels.com. Navigating Life’s Transitions.
A friend of mine was in tears last week as she told me that her son was recently made redundant and has now been forced to join another company in a different city.
She was concerned and worried about his move and the significant career transition he had to go through.
Humanity is currently experiencing a chaotic world. In this world, life transitions are frequent. Mastering the skills to manage changes and transitions therefore becomes crucial.
“Your life is a story of transition. You are always leaving one chapter behind while moving on to the next.” – Anonymous.
From the time we crawl out of the womb, we experience change. Many changes happen during our lifetime. Change invariably happens as we transition to a new phase in life, moving from infancy, childhood to adolescence, adulthood to old age.
We may not always be prepared for the changes, but we accept them and move on, sometimes with resistance. So, change is not new for us, yet we don’t like it.
Revolutionary changes, climatic changes, and pandemics are affecting our lifestyles and throwing us off balance. Year 2020 was disruptive for all of us, and our routines have changed forever.
Somewhere in this life’s journey, we tend to carve out a comfort zone for ourselves. A pattern sets in. We get conditioned to a particular lifestyle and follow routines. Even a slight disturbance to the routine makes us cringe. We question the reason that rocked the boat. Even a positive change makes us feel unsettled and nervous.
What are life transitions?
A life transition is any change that impacts our life in a significant way.
Psychologist William Bridges’ famous book explains the challenging nature of transitions. According to him, the middle ground between the ending of something and a new beginning of something else, where things are uncertain, makes us feel unstable and anxious. The middle ground is a challenging no man’s land. Be it a positive change like a job promotion or a negative change like a death of a loved one, they both move us from our established routines and therefore become difficult to manage.
Difference between Change and Transition
There is a very subtle difference between change and transition.
According to William Bridges, author and expert on change leadership, change is considered external and tied to a certain situation. Transition is internal, the emotional process of how you react to the change. This difference is key to working with change and helping others navigate the transition process. We do not have any control over changes in our environment, whereas transition is how we react to and respond to changes and we can control our reactions
Why are transitions always stressful?
Fear of the unknown can send us in a million directions. Life transitions are stressful because they force us to let go of the familiar. Any change and growth generally begin with some loss. And whenever there is a loss, we feel anxious.
Life transitions can be positive or negative, planned or unplanned. But any change always causes some disruption and is life-altering.
Life transitions are complex, but they also have a positive side. Change is crucial if you have to convert dreams into reality. And therefore, going through the transition can leave us with life lessons.
A personal example of a significant life transition
“Life is like an airport runway. You have to make space constantly so new opportunities can land.” Paul Hanna.
New opportunities are positive changes but can move us from our established routines.
A few years back, I went through an anticipated positive change. I was promoted and asked to manage a complex technical integration program in a different city. On the one hand, there was the excitement of the new opportunity. On the other hand, there was nervousness, anxiety and fear of the security of the role I had left behind.
Added to it was the stress of moving to a different city and leaving behind my family. During this transition, I often questioned my decision and couldn’t understand why I had chosen this route. When routine gets disrupted, uncertainty creeps in. I was resilient enough to manage this stress and did not allow this disruption to prolong.
My life was always full of transitions during my childhood and later during my growing-up years in school and college. There was always a new routine in a new city, a new school or a new college. But there was always support and structure to guide me.
I have depended on this system in my personal and professional life and have therefore always taken less time to adapt and accept changes. Embracing change comes easy to me. Whenever I resist change, my energy levels dip, and this causes a different outcome.
My early years helped me build resilience, so even when I had to move to a different city on promotion, I overcame the stress and anxiety related to the relocation and the new job.
Mental distress during the transition
Fear creates anxiety. It can shut people out. The mental stress that some of us experienced during COVID was due to fear. During the lockdown, each of us went through different worries: fear of not having enough food stock, fear of falling sick due to the virus, fear of not being able to work or return to the office, fear of not knowing when the pandemic would end. Fear is the root cause of mental distress. Fear of the unknown during transition causes mental stress.
Navigating through transition
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” Socrates
Navigating through transition is not always easy. Many life transitions like high school to college or marriage into divorce or widowhood can be tough to manage.
Transitioning to retirement from abusy working life is another typical example ofwhen people face anxiety. Such twists and turns cannot be avoided. Organizational events like restructuring, mergers and acquisitions, and financial problems can bring changes.
You will have to face the transition as change will happen whether you like it or not. The only way to deal with such transitions is to acknowledge your emotions as the change impacts you and actively participate in the process.
According to William Bridges, the transition involves three stages:
An ending
A neutral zone
A new beginning
The first step is to acknowledge that change has occurred. Without being judgmental, make a note of what has changed.
The second stage of the neutral zone is the most uncomfortable transition stage. It is during this phase that physiological realignment takes place.
You may not know everything, but setting short-term goals at this stage can help you towards a new beginning and toovercome uncertainty. Keep an open mind and look forward to the beginning and the new possibilities it can create.
As you reach the third stage, some clarity will emerge. Consider this a new beginning. There could be new challenges, but there could also be small wins. Acknowledge these small wins.
How coaches and therapist can help navigate during the transitions
“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”- Carl Jung.
In this process of what you choose to become, transition coaches can be a great help.
Be it life transition, career transition or any change, coaches can provide a supportive and productive coaching relationship and help you meet your goals while holding you accountable and keeping you focused on the new beginning. They can help you learn life skills and self-care when facing challenging situations.
A transition coach can partner with you in helping you develop a new leadership skill while navigating the career change.
Transition coaching can help you regain your self-confidence. It can help you see the bigger purpose by supporting you infinding a career that best suits your intrinsic needs and leveraging your potential.
A transition coach or a therapist can help you in the following:
1. Effective stress management if you are suffering from work-related or personal anxiety.
2. Help you strategize and create action plans to achieve your goals and desired career.
3. Overcoming fear and procrastination.
4. Holding you accountable and keeping you focused while you take actions to meet your goals.
5. Helping you align your role with your core values.
Victor Hugo has rightly said “Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.” This is true for all life and career transitions.
We eagerly await the monsoon season after enduring the scorching summer months. It brings a much-needed refreshing change and serves as a relief for humanity and the environment, which is undergoing a remarkable transformation.
The rains wash away the dust from the trees, causing the grass and foliage to turn a vibrant green. Everywhere, there is a palpable sense of positivity and relief in the air.
Beyond providing respite from the dryness of summer, the monsoon brings joy into our lives. Having experienced the monsoon in various parts of India and at different stages of my life, I have cherished its beauty and significance.
During my childhood in Kutch, near the Great Rann of Kutch in western India, the monsoon season lasted only about four months in this arid desert region. Although the rainfall was limited, I eagerly awaited the heavy showers that allowed me to play in the rain and get drenched. The enchantment of a rainy day multiplied with the unmistakable aroma of wet soil.
One of my all-time favourite activities during the monsoon was making paper boats and setting them afloat in the rainwater collected in a small pond in our garden.
Another delightful aspect was the chai party organized by my mother for our neighbours and friends. The pleasant, cool weather during the rains provided the perfect excuse to relish hot samosas and pakoras with ginger tea.
During my college days in Mumbai, I experienced the monsoon in a different setting. With dark clouds looming over the sea, waves crashing on the shores, and the cool sea breeze gently caressing my face, strolling along Marine Drive or walking on Chowpatty Beach was an experience that left a lasting impression. And who could resist the allure of hot tea and pakoras enjoyed on the beach?
While in college and later during my office days near Nariman Point, I made it a point to take a leisurely walk along the beach after office hours to savour the light showers and the soothing sea breeze.
For the past three decades that I have been in Bangalore, I have witnessed the awe-inspiring display of nature’s beauty during the monsoon season.
Places near Bangalore, such as Coorg in Karnataka, become mystical and almost unreal as rain cascades over the lush green coffee plantations. It feels as if one has stepped into a fairyland.
The flip side of the rain
Bangalore experiences monsoon twice a year, from June to September and then from October to December.
However, it is essential to acknowledge the flip side of the rain when the city comes to a standstill during heavy downpours. Unexpected torrential rains can cause extensive damage, including flooding and fallen trees.
“Rain didn’t make things messy. People did that all on their own.” — Barbara Delinsky.
I cannot agree more with what Barbara Delinsky has said. The quote suggests that rain is not responsible for creating a messy or chaotic environment. Instead, it implies that the messiness or disorder we may observe during rainy conditions results from human actions and behaviours.
Human behaviour, such as littering and neglecting proper waste management, contributes to the messiness associated with rainy weather.
Conclusion
Monsoons are genuinely a gift from nature to humanity, continuing to bring joy into our lives. The experience of rain immerses us in the beauty of nature.
Embracing the rain allows us to witness the enchanting magic that unfolds when water falls from the heavens, revealing the wonders of the natural world.
What do you need more in life than good friends and great adventures?
College friends reunited in the golden city of Jaisalmer after four decades. We decided to embark on a journey of adventure and travel together to experience the sand dunes of Jaisalmer and make shared memories.
Our craving for Rangilo Rajasthan made us zero in on Jaisalmer. The excitement of meeting after such a long time was going to be an experience. Each one of us was looking forward to this reunion. It took us almost three months of planning, booking hotels, air and train tickets, planning the itinerary etc. The excitement was palpable. Technology made it possible for us to reconnect and plan this holiday.
All of us met in Jaipur and travelled by road to Jaisalmer.
Jaipur to Jaisalmer, the entire drive was spent catching up about the years gone by. Each of us had a story to tell.
Where is Jaisalmer?
Jaisalmer is the golden city in the heart of the Thar desert. It is considered a poster city of Incredible India. With its rich cultural heritage, sand-coloured structures, and endless desert, it is worth a visit.
Standing in the heart of the Thar desert with its limitless expanse of sand, Jaisalmer reminds you of the Arabian night fables.
It is situated in the state of Rajasthan in northwest India, just a stone’s throw away from the Pakistan border.
Each of us came from a different city in India. We had all decided to meet in Jaipur and then travel by road to Jaisalmer. The entire drive was spent catching up about the years gone by. Each of us had a story to tell. We had hired a cab from Jaipur, which would take us to Jaisalmer, show us the sand dunes in and around the fort city and bring us back to Jaipur. Our stay in Jaisalmer was for two nights and in Jaipur for one night.
The journey from Jaipur to Jaisalmer
“There is an unspoken bond you create with the friends you travel with.” – Kristen Sarah.
The distance from Jaipur to Jaisalmer is about 580 kms. It took us about 5 hours, with a few coffee and tea breaks. It would be a crime to travel on a highway without stopping over and enjoying a cup of dhaba chai. Sipping tea on the road reminded us of some of the best times during college trips. Travelling together, we created some beautiful memories.
The road is good, and since the driver was from the same area, he knew some of the less crowded routes. We passed through several small villages where we could see tribal ladies dressed in their colourful attires.
We reached Jaisalmer after sunset. Generally, the deserts get cooler at night. We checked into Hotel Lalgarh, where a hot dinner was waiting for us. After about eight hours on the road, the sight of hot food and its aroma was very inviting. We could feel the cool breeze as we attacked the hot and spicy Rajasthani food in the hotel’s rooftop restaurant.
Jaisalmer Fort was in the background, and the fort was lighted, which provided a spectacular view from the terrace. We were tired and hungry, but we had so much to catch up on that none of us were willing to retire for the night.
The Golden Fort is one of the largest living forts in the world. It stands amidst the sandy expanse of Trikula Hill. It is a UNESCO world heritage site.
Exploring Jaisalmer
Jaisalmer is also called the “The Golden City”, because it stands on a ridge of yellow sandstone. Jaisalmer Fort has a royal palace and Jain temples. Many famous Indian movies have been filmed in this desert city.
Our first destination was the fort, situated on the Meru hill the following day. It is also called the Sonar Kila because it is of yellow stone. The fort was visible from our hotel terrace. The golden glow during sunrise was spectacular. The fort has impressive architecture and provides a glimpse of the bygone era. It is a UNESCO World Heritage site. One-fourth of the city’s population still resides in the fort. It is one of the few living forts in the world.
You cannot take your cars inside the fort since it has very narrow lanes, through which only two or three-wheelers can move, or you have to walk, so we had to park our car outside the fort area.
One of the main attractions inside the fort was the “battle gun”, which is at the top of the fort. The Jaisalmer maharajas used it to defend themselves during the war. From this place at the top, you can see the whole city. You feel like sitting there for a long.
It took us a couple of hours to see the entire fort and visit the gem and jewellery shops and Jain temples in the fort. There are hotels, homestays and restaurants inside the fort area, which gives you a local feel. Since it was lunchtime, we decided to have lunch with some locals residing in the fort. They serve home-cooked authentic Rajasthani cuisine. Rajasthani food is spicy, and the food style of this desert city and the entire state is affected by the natural topography. It is known for its spicy curries and delicious sweets. Because it is a desert, there is a lack of leafy green vegetables. Instead locals use lentils, pulses, legumes, milk, curd, ghee and buttermilk. You cannot miss the famous dalbati (Rajasthani dish) while in Jaisalmer.
During lunch, the locals shared fascinating stories and traditions of the local communities.
In the evening, we decided to come back to the market square outside the fort entrance to check out handicrafts, souvenirs, and exquisite silver jewellery. Before visiting the market square, we decide to head to Gadisar Lake. This is an artificial lake to sustain and provide water for the whole town.
Boating here is one of the main attractions. Near the Gadisar lake, several photographers offered to provide us with Rajasthani dresses and click pictures. All of us took turns dressing up and getting photographed. It was an excellent opportunity to create memories to remind us of our trip.
The next biggest attraction was the haveli. On the second day morning, we visited the havelis. It is a historical site. Beautiful and intricate carvings adorn the windows and balconies of Patwon Ki Haveli. It is a cluster of five small havelis. Inside the haveli, there is a museum where you can see an artefact collection that gives you a glimpse of the culture of the bygone era. Since photography is allowed inside the haveli, we decided to pose for beautiful pictures. We wandered through the haveli’s since every nook and corner had something interesting to see.
After a short break, we were looking forward to visiting the SAM sand dunes, camel rides and campfires with music and folk dances.
On our way to the Sam sand dunes, we stopped over to visit the haunted village of Kuldhara. Set 200 years ago, the Paliwal Brahmin community vanished overnight, leaving behind a ghost village to narrate the tale. We stepped inside some of the abandoned homes.
From the terrace of some of these houses, you can get a glimpse of the abandoned village. The whole village wears a desolate look. Since the sun was about to set, we decided to move on as it was getting quite eerie. Many interesting stories float around this place about the haunted village.
We spent a long time enjoying the vast expanse of sand, walking, and taking turns on camel rides. Our group decided to take a camel cart ride to reach the sunset point. The sunset is spectacular.
There is nothing like watching a beautiful sunset to end a day. It had started getting dark as we made our way back to the main road leading us to Jaisalmer. After the mesmerizing sunset, we were looking forward to the desert camp to enjoy the campfire, music and local folk dance show by the local community.
“Drifting across the vast space, silent except for wind and footsteps, I felt uncluttered and unhurried for the first time in a while, already on desert time.”
– Rebecca Solnit
Wrapping up the fun- travelling back through Pushkar and Ajmer
After two eventful days in Jaisalmer, we started our return journey to Jaipur. We decided to travel through Pushkar and Ajmer on our way back to Jaipur. We were keen to visit the temple town of Pushkar.
We reached Pushkar around 4 pm and headed straight to the temple area. Snuggled in the lap of Aravalli hills and near the serene Pushkar lake is the Brahma temple. Temples and 52 ghats surround the lake. It is believed that if a person takes a dip in the lake on Karthik Purnima, it clears one from all sins and cures all skin diseases.
After spending some time window shopping in the shops near the temple and feasting on hot chai and some snacks, we started for Jaipur.
We reached Jaipur at about 9 pm and headed straight for dinner. Since all of us had early morning flights to catch and head home, we decided to call it a day. Promising to meet again on our next trip, we bid goodbyes. We created new invaluable memories from this trip.
Further Information
The nearest airport for Jaisalmer in Jodhpur. You can drive from Jaipur to Jaisalmer. The distance is about 580Kms. Jaisalmer is also well connected by rail with New Delhi.
Jaisalmer has many good hotels to suit every budget.
In today’s tumultuous world, the news bombards us with stories of unkind acts and brutality, questioning humanity’s capacity for love and compassion. However, amidst the chaos, there are still shining examples of Kindness that inspire us to be better.
The 14th Dalai Lama draws attention to the remarkable social responsibility exhibited by small insects like bees. Their cooperative nature and survival instincts showcase a level of unity and harmony that often surpasses human behaviour.
Humans, with our intelligence and capacity for love, should be capable of more extraordinary Kindness, but we sometimes fall short. Nevertheless, it is crucial to recognize the potential Kindness holds in fostering positive connections and forming lasting relationships.
A Personal Encounter with Kindness
A heartwarming incident during my 10th-grade trip to Jammu and Kashmir exemplified the beauty of Kindness. In an unfamiliar city, where we were supposed to be received by a friend’s acquaintance, we faced a disheartening situation due to miscommunication. However, a kind stranger noticed our plight and offered us shelter for the night. His generosity and compassion toward strangers left an indelible mark on me, proving that the world still has kind souls ready to lend a helping hand.
Kindness: A Miracle in Disguise:
Miracles aren’t always grand gestures; sometimes, they come in the form of kind-hearted strangers. One hot summer day, I found myself in a desperate situation after tripping and falling on a busy road. The Kindness of two young girls in the crowd was my saving grace. They selflessly attended to my wounds, safeguarded my belongings, and supported me back to safety. Their compassionate actions reminded me that even in times of distress, there are people willing to go above and beyond for someone they’ve never met before.
Kindness as a Motive
As Eric Hoffer wisely said, “Kindness can become its own motive. We are made kind by being kind.” In a world that often feels indifferent and harsh, choosing Kindness can set off a chain reaction of goodwill. Remembering that we possess the power to shape the world through actions is essential.
Conclusion
In a world filled with uncertainty and negative news, acts of Kindness become beacons of hope, reminding us that humanity still holds the potential for compassion and love. Let us all strive to be like those small bees, working together to create a better world based on cooperation, understanding, and Kindness. No matter how small, each act of Kindness contributes to the collective effort of building a more empathetic and harmonious society. So, let us be inspired by the examples of Kindness we encounter and be the change we wish to see in the world.
India recently celebrated the Festival of Lights, Diwali, a time when households embrace the tradition of adorning their entrances with intricate patterns known as Rangoli. The term “Rangoli” originates from the Sanskrit word “Rangavalli,” meaning an array of colours.
Rangoli holds a special significance in Hindu households, serving the dual purpose of inviting the Goddess Lakshmi, the deity of wealth, through visually pleasing patterns and welcoming guests. This tradition extends beyond Diwali and is observed during festivals such as Pongal and Onam.
What is Rangoli?
Traditionally, Rangoli is an art of floor decoration symbolizing a household’s happiness, positivity, and vibrancy. This practice has transcended residential spaces in contemporary times, gracing the entrances of businesses and offices during diverse festivals.
Mothers in India pass down the art of Rangoli to their daughters, creating a cultural continuity. I learned this art form from my grandmother and mother, both accomplished artists. My grandmother’s daily ritual of meticulously creating Rangoli at the crack of dawn left an indelible impression. The welcoming ambience, the fragrance of jasmine flowers, and the aroma of morning coffee remain etched in my memory.
My grandmother’s and my mothers’s rangoli, both at the entrance and in the pooja rooms, have always been a visual treat and left me in awe. My daughter-in-law is also an expert in this art form. Her latest rangoli design during this Diwali is in the picture below.
Regional Variations
Rangoli exhibits diverse regional variations across India. Known as Kolam in South India, Mandana in Rajasthan, Alpana in West Bengal, Chowk Purana in Uttar Pradesh, Aripan in Bihar (created using rice flour and paste), and Maharashtra’s floor-drawn designs showcase the rich tapestry of cultural diversity.
Evolution of Rangoli Designs
Scientifically, Rangoli holds significance as geometric patterns, particularly curved ones created by connecting dots, positively impact the environment. These patterns symbolize the universe’s infinite nature and echo sound wave harmonics, contributing to mental well-being.
Inspired by nature, Rangoli designs evoke joy and positivity, ranging from geometric shapes to floral patterns and depictions of Hindu deities. The unbroken lines in these designs serve a protective function, preventing the intrusion of evil spirits.
Worldwide Symbolism
Symmetry in Rangoli designs is universally considered a symbol of prosperity, luck, and growth across religions. It is also believed to be a harbinger of good fortune.
Conclusion
Rangoli is a simple and traditional art form with deep cultural roots. Let every festival inspire us to practice this beautiful tradition, offering a pause in our hectic lifestyles and fostering focus. As we draw traditional Rangolis, we connect with a heritage that transcends generations, embodying joy, positivity, and the spirit of celebration.
