Author: shubhaapte

Executive Coach, Management Consultant, Writer, Nature Lover and Travel Enthusiast. On this blog I share my experiences in Life , in the corporate world and travel adventures.

Beyond Resumes: Unveiling the Secrets to Successful Candidate Selection

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Having navigated the corporate landscape for over three decades, I’ve had the privilege of interviewing and hiring over a hundred individuals across various roles and organizations. Over time, I’ve honed my approach to ensure that I select candidates who possess the necessary skills, align with the organizational culture, and exhibit a commitment to long-term success.

Art of Selecting The Right Fit

As I continue to mentor leaders, a standard query is how to discern whether a candidate is the right fit and likely to remain dedicated to the role. Drawing from my extensive experience, I’ve compiled a comprehensive list of non-negotiable traits and behaviors that serve as red flags during the hiring process, significantly reducing attrition rates within my teams.

List of Non-Negotiable Traits

Let’s delve into each of these points to gain a deeper understanding:

  1. Confidence and Engagement: The ability of an interviewee to maintain eye contact and articulate responses reflects their confidence level. It’s essential to gauge whether they exhibit active engagement during the interview, as it often correlates with their potential to thrive in the role.
  2. Professional Integrity: Negative comments about current or past employers reflect poorly on a candidate’s professionalism and integrity. Such behaviour raises concerns about their ability to maintain confidentiality and handle workplace conflicts constructively.
  3. Punctuality and Professionalism: Respect for time is a fundamental aspect of professionalism. While unforeseen circumstances such as traffic jams may occur, candidates should proactively communicate any delays. Punctuality, coupled with accountability, underscores a candidate’s reliability and commitment.
  4. Interest in Work-Life Balance: Inquiring about the company’s policies regarding work-life balance, vacation entitlements, and breaks provides insight into a candidate’s priorities and expectations. Their response can indicate whether they align with the organization’s values and priorities.
  5. Passion for Learning and Growth: A genuine enthusiasm for learning and a willingness to receive feedback indicate a candidate’s adaptability and potential for growth within the role. Passion drives performance, and candidates who demonstrate curiosity and eagerness to expand their skills are valuable assets to any team.
  6. Demonstration of Humility: Arrogance and impatience are detrimental traits that can disrupt team dynamics and hinder collaboration. Observing how candidates interact with receptionists or front desk personnel can reveal valuable insights into their demeanour and interpersonal skills.
  7. Authenticity and Transparency: Discrepancies between a candidate’s resume and their verbal accounts raise red flags regarding authenticity. Instances of stolen identity or misrepresentation erode trust and credibility, highlighting the importance of thorough background verification.
  8. Preparation and Interest in the Company: Candidates who lack familiarity with the company or fail to ask insightful questions during the interview may need more genuine interest or initiative. Preparation signifies diligence and a proactive approach to understanding the organization’s goals and values.
  9. Humility and Intellectual Curiosity: Humility is a hallmark of strong leadership and teamwork. Candidates who acknowledge their limitations and are willing to learn from others contribute to a positive work culture and foster collaboration.
  10. Adaptability and Resilience: In today’s dynamic business environment, adaptability is crucial for navigating challenges and driving innovation. Assessing a candidate’s ability to thrive amidst change and adversity provides valuable insights into their resilience and potential long-term success within the organization.

Wrapping up

In summary, identifying the right fit goes beyond evaluating technical skills; it entails assessing a candidate’s character, values, and attitude toward professional growth and collaboration.

Organizations can create a high-performing and unified workforce equipped for long-term success by incorporating these essential traits into the hiring process.

Divine Connections :A Spiritual Journey To Ayodhya

Ayodhya

Last week, my husband, a few friends, and I went to Ayodhya, a city located on the banks of the holy Sarayu River. It has become a popular destination for tourists and pilgrims alike. According to an article in the Economic Times, Ayodhya recorded 2.4 million visitors just 12 days after the Pran Pratishtha (consecration ceremony) on January 22, 2024.

Upon reaching the entrance, we had to walk approximately 1.5 kilometers to get to the main Sanctorum. The weather was hot, and walking barefoot was challenging, but we were excited to see the Ram Lala idol, so we didn’t mind the pain. The presence of devoted pilgrims and excitement around us made the walk feel even more special.

Lord Rama had returned to his hometown after many centuries, and people from all walks of life came to see him. We saw individuals of all ages and disabilities, making their way to the temple. Some were using wheel chairs and some walked supported by their family members.

While there was heavy security throughout the complex, there was arrangements for medical support, drinking water, tea and coffee on the way. Photography is prohibited throughout.

As I stood in front of the Ram Lala idol, I felt overwhelmed with emotion. Tears filled my eyes, and I felt a deep connection to Lord Rama. It was a powerful moment that words can’t fully describe.

The magnificent black stone idol of Lord Rama as a five-year-old child is simply captivating. It holds your attention and moves you to tears with its beauty and divinity.

We were fortunate enough to witness the Ayodhya Rama Lalla Sandhya Samaya Pallaki Sevaa

Sandhya Samaya Pallaki Sevaa

Serenity by the river Sarayu

Visiting the Sarayu River was another highlight of our trip. As we offered prayers and dipped into the water, I felt a sense of peace wash over me, leaving me refreshed and renewed.

River Sarayu.

The Sarayu River is one of the most important waterways in the state of Uttar Pradesh, India. It is mentioned in ancient Hindu texts such as the Ved and Ramayana.

The river has witnessed many significant events, including the childhood exploits of Lord Rama. It is believed that taking a dip in this river washes away sins and purifies the soul, making it a popular destination for pilgrims seeking spiritual cleansing.

People taking a dip in the river Sarayu.

A Musical Marvel in Ayodhya’s Lata Mangeshkar Chowk

In addition to the Ram Lala temple and the Sarayu River, we also visited the Lata Mangeshkar chowk, a square named after the legendary Indian singer.

The highlight of the chowk was the 40-tonnes Veena, a musical instrument revered in Indian classical music, installed in the center of the square.

The Veena was a sight to behold, and we were amazed by its sheer size and intricate design. We spent some time admiring it and taking pictures before moving on to our next destination.

Ayodhya, with its rich cultural and spiritual history, is a must-visit destination for anyone seeking a divine religious experience.

Ayodhya Entrance

With the inauguration of Ayodhya’s Ram temple, the Jefferies Report anticipates an economic upswing, projecting over 50 million annual tourists in the region. This has resulted in a lot of commercial activity and a flourishing economy.

Local shops cater to the needs of pilgrims and tourists alike by selling commodities for offerings to the deities and souvenirs to take back home for friends and family as blessings.

Vendors selling flowers for offering at the temple

The local community has embraced the influx of visitors, creating a vibrant atmosphere around the temple and the surrounding areas.

Commercial activity in full swing.

Ayodhya truly offers a unique blend of culture, history, and spirituality that is unparalleled anywhere else in the world.

Overall, the trip to Ayodhya was an unforgettable experience that we will cherish forever.                 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

From Scars To Success-Why Trying New Opportunities Is Worth The Risk

man wearing grey shirt standing on elevated surface
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“The emotional scars of our mistakes will teach is far more than the joy of our successes,”- Steven Aitchison

Do you look at past mistakes as terrible events or as growth experiences?

The scars of previous mistakes can prevent us from taking new risks. When we make mistakes, we experience feelings of shame, guilt, and self-doubt. This impacts our confidence and willingness to take on new challenges.

The fear prevents us from taking new risks and trying new things, which can limit our personal growth and prevents us from reaching our full potential.

The story of my coaching client

If you consider past failure a terrible mistake, you must read the story about my coaching client Rahul- a team leader in a big software company.

Rahul was in the same job for over six years and was perfect at it. The company decided to promote him to Team Manager.

Rahul was still determining how he would handle the new role. He accepted the position because the salary increment was too attractive to turn down.

In his new role, Rahul struggled and lost his self-confidence after some time. He was asked to step down. Rahul was devastated.

He agreed to return to his old job as a Team Lead.

Three years later, the company once again promoted him. But the scars of the previous failure were still too raw, and he refused to accept the promotion.

During a coaching call, I convinced him he was a different person from three years ago. Since his last attempt, he has further developed his leadership skills.

He accepted the promotion and became a successful team manager.
The turning point was losing the role the first time, which made Rahul hungrier for success.

The story’s moral is to approach new challenges with a growth mindset, viewing mistakes as opportunities for learning and improvement rather than sources of shame and failure.

Are you clouding any growth experiences as mistakes?

Then it would be best to let go of the mistake and grab the opportunity as Rahul did.

“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you did not do than by the ones you did.”
– Mark Twain

The Profound Concept: Tears of Joy as Indicators of Love and Happiness

colorful flowers behind window glass
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“The rain is nature’s tears of joy”-Michael Bassey Johnson, in Night of a Thousand Thoughts.

Michael Bassey’s words beautifully describe nature’s way of expressing happiness when it rains.

After a long spell of sweltering heat, the summer raindrops provide some of the happiest moments to all those who have suffered the sunbeams. We humans, animals, and nature alike wait for this relief. And with those first few drops of rain, tears of joy flowed relentlessly.

Indicators of Love and Happiness

Tears of joy are considered indicators of abundant love and happiness.

It was a defining moment that introduced me to the profound concept of tears of joy. The setting was the seismic hotspot of Kutch district in Gujarat, India, where earthquakes are not just occurrences but a regular part of life.

The entire Kutch district is known for being a very high-risk seismic zone, and earth quakes occur there regularly. People here have witnessed some of the worst earth quakes, which resulted in entire towns and cities being razed to the ground.

We were taught the precautionary steps to take whenever we experienced earth quake tremors in school.

A significant earthquake struck early in January during my primary school days in Kutch. The tremors rattled our school building, leading to an evacuation to a safer place. Given the chaos enveloping the entire town, we couldn’t return home immediately.

With my father on hospital duty, my mother and our neighbours had evacuated their homes and assembled on the streets. Alone at home, my mom anxiously awaited news about my safety. Communication lines were severed, and mobile technology did not exist then.

The quake’s intensity caused widespread disruption and destruction throughout the city. Our school authorities wisely kept us safe until the tremors subsided, arranging transportation to drop us home only when it was safe to return.

Upon reaching home, my parents stood by the gate, their worries etched on their faces. Spotting me alighting from the bus, my mom rushed toward me, enveloping me in a tight hug. Then, I felt her tears streaming down — tears of joy. She couldn’t contain the overwhelming surge of relief and happiness.

The Types of Tears of Joy and Happiness

Crying, often associated with sorrow, also positively affects our well-being, helping us manage emotions and maintain emotional balance. Researchers have identified four distinct types of positive tears:

Affectionate Tears: My mom’s tears, triggered by our embrace, fell into this category. These tears emerge from an unexpected rush of gratitude and warmth.

Achievement Tears: Tears of triumph accompany accomplishing something significant or overcoming an obstacle.

Beauty Tears: Triggered by profound beauty, such as captivating music or a mesmerizing natural scene.

Amusement Tears: Shed when uncontrollable laughter is prompted by something incredibly amusing.

As C.S. Lewis aptly stated, “Joy is the serious business of heaven.”

Little did I know how intertwined joy and tears could become until a single moment etched its indelible mark on the canvas of my life.

Have you ever experienced a moment filled with joy that it spilt over into tears?

Unlock The Path To Success By Cultivating A Positive Mental Attitude

sticky notes on glass wall
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“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”- Victor Frankl.

The question is how many of us have the willpower to change ourselves. It was a tough lesson for me.

I was all set to attend the most important meeting for the day. The meeting with the senior leadership team of my company was for reviewing my readiness for a promotion. My presentation was ready, and I had prepared it meticulously to impress my target audience.

I woke up in the morning with anxiety and curiosity in anticipation of the meeting outcomes. Partly nervous and partly excited about how the day would unfold. I had done everything in my control and prepared to make it a success.

Considering the traffic disruptions, I made sure I am in the office much before the meeting starts.

When I reached the office, my boss informed me that the meeting was cancelled. The cancellation was because of an unfortunate incident with one of the participant.

My mood tanked, and there was nothing I could do to snap out of it. I blamed my luck. This meeting was expected to change my career for the better. But as always, something cropped up that dashed my hopes.

I was hard on myself.

There was no explanation for this unfortunate happening. Everything looked like a failure.

This incident happened to me about 20 years back, but I remember how unsettling it was even to this day. Such events would upset me, and I would blame my fate. For days on end, I would be miserable.

I evaluated this incident based on my belief that luck would never favour me. I was stuck with this belief.

My thinking was neither rational nor logical. I was under the influence of cognitive bias that had made me believe that good things never happened to me.

Choosing one’s attitude

Hogg & Vaughan (2005) defined an attitude as “a relatively enduring organization of beliefs, feelings, and behavioral tendencies towards socially significant objects, groups, events or symbols.”

Different Psychologist’s have defined Attitudes in different ways. In summary, attitude is generally a positive or negative view of a person, place, event or object.

Attitudes can change since they are not carved on stone.

Celebrated Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl said about attitude, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Whenever something did not turn out the way I had expected, I would blame it on my luck. I had chosen to react to such incidents with frustration, bitterness and would make myself miserable. I learnt later in life that I was negatively looking at things. The power to change my way of thinking and, therefore, my behaviour was in my control. But I was making no effort to look at it with a different lens. I had used the freedom to chose my attitude, but I had made the wrong choice.

Developing a positive mindset

My coach helped me become aware of my self-limiting beliefs. I had to shift my mindset and develop a positive attitude towards life. It wasn’t easy at first. Because while I understood the negative thoughts held me back, I wondered how to shift my perspective. I had only seen failures so far.

The road to a successful life depended on my attitude. I could change my destiny if I let go of the beliefs that I had closely held for so long. The power of attitude could change my future. It took some time, but when the words did sink in, I started looking at things more positively. The turning point came one year after I changed my attitude to look at situations more positively. After that, there was no looking back. I was energized to make my dreams come true.

Lessons I learnt on how to achieve success through a positive mental attitude.

I had decided to let go of the negative thought pattern that had put me in a permanent state of pessimism. My coach was my accountability partner while I walked on this difficult journey. My experience taught me a few things.

  • One needs an intense desire to change and achieve something, and only then it gets done. I had to remain strong in the face of repeated adverse events.
  • Positive affirmation helped me to overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. Every morning I would say I will be successful in my career.
  • I surrounded myself with friends, relatives and colleagues who inspired and motivated me.
  • Instead of blaming myself for any bad event, I started looking for practical solutions to improve the situation. There was learning in every situation. Eventually, I was looking for opportunities in any adverse case and was striving to achieve my goal.
  • My efforts helped me find my inner strength, which was a significant transformation for me.

William Ernest Henley very rightly said in his poem, Invictus: “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.” One has to position oneself firmly in the driver’s seat and take control to reach your final destination. I did get to my destination and achieved all my goals.

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you” -Brian Tracy.

Embracing a Resolution-Free New Year: A Journey to Well-being

white notebook on the table
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“Many Years ago,I made a New Year’s resolution to never make New Year’s resolutions. Hell, it’s been the only resolution I’ve ever kept!”- D.S MIXELL

As the calendar turns a new leaf, many embark on the tradition

 of making New Year’s resolutions, vowing to transform their lives for the better.

However, this year, I find myself deviating from this well-established practice.

The reason? A realization that has slowly dawned on me over the years is that

resolutions often lead to unrealized expectations and unnecessary pressure.

In this article, I’ll share my perspective on why I chose to forgo resolutions and

opt for a more liberated approach to self-improvement.

The Weight of Unmet Resolutions

Year after year, I found myself crafting ambitious resolutions only to realize, come

February, that most of them lay by the wayside, unfulfilled.

The burden of unmet resolutions weighed heavily on my shoulders, creating a cycle of disappointment.

It led me to question the effectiveness of such traditional goal-setting practices.

Statistics on Resolution Abandonment

To shed light on the commonality of this experience, let’s delve into some statistics.

According to a study conducted by the University of Scranton, only about 8% of people successfully achieve their New Year resolutions.

Shockingly, by the end of January, more than 25% of individuals have already abandoned their goals. These numbers underscore the challenges of sticking to resolutions and the need

for a different approach.

The Liberation of a Resolution-Free Mindset

This year, I’ve adopted a resolution-free mindset instead of succumbing to the pressure of resolutions. The decision to go with the flow and embrace habits

that contribute to my overall well-being has been liberating. It allows me to

focus on continuous improvement without the rigid constraints of specific

resolutions.

Exploring Free-Flowing Well-being Habits

Without the confines of resolutions, I’ve discovered the joy of exploring well-being habits

organically. From mindfulness practices and regular exercise to fostering

meaningful connections, these habits contribute to my holistic development

without the looming fear of failure.

This approach encourages a positive

mindset, fostering a sense of accomplishment regardless of the scale of the

habit.

In the fast-paced world in which we all reside; we forget the power of praying and wishing good things for others. The divine force that resides in each of us helps us to bless others. This act enriches our own existence.

Therefore, I have decided to consciously wish happiness for others every day: people in my community, my circle of friends, and those I encounter daily.

Conclusion:

In a world inundated with the pressure to make and achieve New Year resolutions, opting for a resolution-free mindset can be a breath of fresh air. The statistics on resolution abandonment highlight the common struggle many face.

Embracing a more liberated approach to self-improvement alleviates the burden and allows for personal growth without the constraints of unmet expectations.

As we navigate the new year, let’s consider the path of well-being over the rigidity of resolutions, embracing a journey of continuous improvement with flexibility and joy.

I wish all my readers a year filled with abundant happiness, blessings and good health.🎉

Chasing Happiness In A Year Of Challenges

woman holding up flowers
Unlocking Happiness. Photo by Felix Young on Pexels.com

Have you ever felt that happiness has eluded you for an eternity?

I certainly experienced that sentiment in 2023.

As the year draws to a close, I took a moment to reflect on the lessons learned and the moments of joy amid the challenges.

The past year brought its share of hardships. My 94-year-old mother endured a collapsed disc, rendering her bedridden for months. Subsequently, a diagnosis of dementia added complexity to her care. Managing her increasing agitation has made the role of a caregiver even more daunting. Throughout this ordeal, feelings of loneliness and sadness enveloped me, as I found it heart-wrenching to witness her suffering.

On a personal note, I underwent health issues. Despite assurances that cataract surgery is routine and boasts a 99.9% success rate, I found myself in the 0.1% with complications to navigate. It made me question why I fell into that statistical minority.

Adding to the challenges, a dear friend received a lung cancer diagnosis, embarking on a grueling journey of radiation and chemotherapy. Observing her wrestle with this life-threatening illness has been emotionally taxing.

The negatives seemed to outweigh the positives in 2023.

Desperate to fill the void of happiness, I sought solace in various activities – immersing myself in social media, binge-watching TV serials, and indulging in online shopping. However, the happiness derived from these pursuits was fleeting, leaving me feeling stuck.

Happiness Or Pleasure

I came to realize that what I was achieving was pleasure, not happiness. Pleasure may offer momentary satisfaction, but it lacks the enduring quality of true happiness.

In my quest for inner peace amidst chaos, a quote by Tibetan teacher Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche struck a chord: “You don’t need to look for peace, calm, joy because when you look for them, they will disappear.” This revelation prompted me to reconsider my approach to happiness.

Life’s stressors were overwhelming, and the more I pursued happiness, the more elusive it became.

Learning Is The First Step To Seeking Happiness

The first step towards true happiness is learning. “Remember this, that very little is needed to make a happy life.” — Marcus Aurelius.

In times of stress, I turned to “The Art Of Happiness” by The Dalai Lama. The book emphasized that external sources like wealth, worldly pursuits, or physical health are not the pathways to happiness. Happiness transcends external stimuli and requires a rejection of negative emotions while embracing positive ones.

Unlocking inner happiness became a priority. “When things change inside you, things change around you.” — Unknown.

While understanding the principles was straightforward, implementing them demanded a mental shift. I had habitually perceived my circumstances negatively, necessitating a conscious effort to adopt a positive perspective and find inner happiness.

Actions taken to unlock my inner happiness:

  1. Compiled a list of positives from 2023, no matter how few.
  2. Recognized and utilized the healing power of nature by creating a balcony garden.
  3. Practiced gratitude by maintaining a gratitude jar, shifting focus from complaints to blessings.
  4. Prioritized self-care through early morning deep breathing exercises and Yoga.
  5. Cultivated a sense of self-worth, aiding in coping with adversities and gaining perspective on negatives.

Aristotle’s belief resonates: “True happiness has to do with ‘internal goods’…instead of those far too popular ‘external goods.’”

Realizing that true happiness lies in appreciating life’s simple blessings has been my paramount lesson from 2023.

Empowering Women: Breaking Stereotypes and Building a Path to Success

woman in black outfit standing beside a table
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“There is no limit to what we, as women, can accomplish.”
Michelle Obama

I wholeheartedly echo Michelle Obama’s sentiments. I have consistently believed that women must have unwavering self-belief to attain success in any endeavor they choose to pursue.

Education alone does not guarantee a path to success

Recently, during a speed mentoring session with a group of dynamic young ladies, I encountered a disheartening situation. One accomplished woman, having excelled in her studies, completed her engineering degree and secured a position in a prestigious IT company, was suddenly pressured by her family to quit her job and get married.

Unfortunately, such scenarios are not uncommon in India, where societal expectations often dictate a woman’s life choices, especially regarding marriage.


At a school reunion last month, another instance caught my attention. A friend shared that his daughter, a qualified Chartered Accountant, struggled to find a suitable job. Eager to assist, I discovered that the challenge went beyond the job search—she lacked the motivation to pursue employment actively.


These examples highlight a crucial aspect: education alone is not sufficient.

True success requires an inner drive and a purpose. Familial pressures and unsupportive environments often dissuade young women from pursuing their careers. However, a strong desire and ambition enable individuals to filter out the noise and focus on achieving their goals.

Seeking help is not weakness

Young women must seek help without considering it a sign of weakness. As aspiring individuals, building a support system is crucial, and this involves reaching out to parents, in-laws, husbands, brothers, friends, or anyone capable of assisting. Demonstrating your ability to manage responsibilities at home and work can inspire others to support your ambitions.


In today’s world, giving up everything is no longer the only option for women. Technology has brought knowledge to our doorsteps. Embrace it, explore the world, expand your knowledge, and aspire to achieve meaningful goals. While priorities in life may shift, women possess the resilience to adjust their goals accordingly.

Breaking Stereotypes

Establishing robust support systems aids in navigating changing priorities. Although career breaks are inevitable, they need not be permanent setbacks. With numerous online courses available, women can utilize reskilling and personal development opportunities.


Acknowledging that some biases are generational, it’s essential to challenge and change these perspectives over time. Empowering women to believe in themselves, ask for support, and pursue their ambitions is not just an individual endeavour but a collective effort towards breaking stereotypes and fostering a more inclusive society.

“We need women at all levels, including the top, to change the dynamic, reshape the conversation, to make sure women’s voices are heard and heeded, not overlooked and ignored.”
Sheryl Sandberg

Navigating Emotional Turbulence: A Personal Journey Of Self Discovery

A personal journey of self discovery
Navigating Emotional Turbulence- Photo by alleksana on Pexels.com

In the past few days, I found myself caught in the midst of a power struggle unfolding around the execution of high-value projects within our gated community. The management association, responsible for overseeing our community buildings, has unfortunately lost the trust of its residents due to a lack of transparency in financial matters. This has led to a surge in communication, with a barrage of emails exchanged between residents and the association board members

On yet another occasion, during a client presentation, my focus was repeatedly disrupted by one of the client partners. This proved to be a source of frustration, but I felt powerless to shield myself from such challenging individuals.

I have had similar experiences in social circles when certain people where certain individuals consistently provoke irritation and leave me feeling annoyed.

During all the above situations, I experienced getting angry, frustrated, judgmental, and a host of feelings I could not decipher. But it was translating into stress, which I knew was detrimental to my wellbeing. In the past, I have felt similar emotions while reacting to toxic situations at work. I would come out of meetings which felt toxic, argumentative, and not worth spending time at.

These emotions drained my energy levels and, for two days following the event, I hated to do anything constructive as they also hindered my ability to think clearly. I pushed myself to work and stay engaged in work, but it wasn’t easy. Any attempt to think clearly failed. I would find it difficult to manage these emotions, but do nothing about it. Thinking it would disappear with time, and I would be fine again.

Recognizing the need for change, I sought the assistance of a coach to help me manage these emotions and develop the capacity to accept circumstances while experiencing the associated feelings. It became evident that my habitual response was reactive, contributing to stress and an unhealthy environment.

Reacting to Situations Emotionally

“Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear”? ~ Lao Tzu

My coach helped me understand that I was reacting to situations. Mindfulness of my emotions during these moments allowed me to pause and respond more thoughtfully, leading to a more composed and confident approach.

A reaction is the root cause for distress, unclear thinking, and creating a toxic environment. When you respond, it would be a more rounded, controlled, and confident you responding to a situation.

Expectation Trap Causing Emotional Turbulence

“You are your own worst enemy. If you can learn to stop expecting impossible perfection, in yourself and others, you may find the happiness that has always eluded you.” ~ Lisa Kleypas, Love in the Afternoon

The root of my frustration and anger, as I discovered, lay in unmet expectations. Like everyone else, I held expectations for my surroundings, relationships, work, and various aspects of life. The intensity of my emotional responses depended on the degree of attachment to these expectations. In times when expectations were unmet, frustration ensued, occasionally leading to self-blame for perceived failures.

Most times, I would blame myself for not meeting expectations. Sometimes I thought I had failed completely and I did not have the ability to meet my own expectations.

To mitigate these emotional storms, I learned to lower my expectations, thereby gaining greater control over the intensity and frequency of my emotional reactions.

Acceptance

“Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it.” ~ Michael J Fox

I remember Marshall Goldsmith’s article Can You Let Go?. Marshall talks about how acceptance of certain people, or situations, helps to liberate us from toxic emotions.

I have now learned the art of acceptance. I have lowered my expectations and am mindful of my emotions when responding to certain situations or people. I, therefore, am more controlled and do not react.

Lessons Learned

A pivotal lesson emerged from this journey—learning to be mindful of my emotions and embracing a pause before responding. While it initially required practice and patience, this newfound approach has empowered me to navigate similar situations with a positive response, preventing emotions from becoming a source of stress.

Rangoli- A Time Honoured Tradition

two women are sitting on the floor and drawing a colorful design
Photo by Sanket Mishra on Pexels.com

India recently celebrated the Festival of Lights, Diwali, a time when households embrace the tradition of adorning their entrances with intricate patterns known as Rangoli. The term “Rangoli” originates from the Sanskrit word “Rangavalli,” meaning an array of colours.

Rangoli holds a special significance in Hindu households, serving the dual purpose of inviting the Goddess Lakshmi, the deity of wealth, through visually pleasing patterns and welcoming guests. This tradition extends beyond Diwali and is observed during festivals such as Pongal and Onam.

What is Rangoli?

Traditionally, Rangoli is an art of floor decoration symbolizing a household’s happiness, positivity, and vibrancy. This practice has transcended residential spaces in contemporary times, gracing the entrances of businesses and offices during diverse festivals.

Mothers in India pass down the art of Rangoli to their daughters, creating a cultural continuity. I learned this art form from my grandmother and mother, both accomplished artists. My grandmother’s daily ritual of meticulously creating Rangoli at the crack of dawn left an indelible impression. The welcoming ambience, the fragrance of jasmine flowers, and the aroma of morning coffee remain etched in my memory.

My grandmother’s and my mothers’s rangoli, both at the entrance and in the pooja rooms, have always been a visual treat and left me in awe. My daughter-in-law is also an expert in this art form. Her latest rangoli design during this Diwali is in the picture below.

Regional Variations

Rangoli exhibits diverse regional variations across India. Known as Kolam in South India, Mandana in Rajasthan, Alpana in West Bengal, Chowk Purana in Uttar Pradesh, Aripan in Bihar (created using rice flour and paste), and Maharashtra’s floor-drawn designs showcase the rich tapestry of cultural diversity.

Evolution of Rangoli Designs

Scientifically, Rangoli holds significance as geometric patterns, particularly curved ones created by connecting dots, positively impact the environment. These patterns symbolize the universe’s infinite nature and echo sound wave harmonics, contributing to mental well-being.

Inspired by nature, Rangoli designs evoke joy and positivity, ranging from geometric shapes to floral patterns and depictions of Hindu deities. The unbroken lines in these designs serve a protective function, preventing the intrusion of evil spirits.

Worldwide Symbolism

Symmetry in Rangoli designs is universally considered a symbol of prosperity, luck, and growth across religions. It is also believed to be a harbinger of good fortune.

Conclusion

Rangoli is a simple and traditional art form with deep cultural roots. Let every festival inspire us to practice this beautiful tradition, offering a pause in our hectic lifestyles and fostering focus. As we draw traditional Rangolis, we connect with a heritage that transcends generations, embodying joy, positivity, and the spirit of celebration.