Tag: Life

Unlock The Path To Success By Cultivating A Positive Mental Attitude

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“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”- Victor Frankl.

The question is how many of us have the willpower to change ourselves. It was a tough lesson for me.

I was all set to attend the most important meeting for the day. The meeting with the senior leadership team of my company was for reviewing my readiness for a promotion. My presentation was ready, and I had prepared it meticulously to impress my target audience.

I woke up in the morning with anxiety and curiosity in anticipation of the meeting outcomes. Partly nervous and partly excited about how the day would unfold. I had done everything in my control and prepared to make it a success.

Considering the traffic disruptions, I made sure I am in the office much before the meeting starts.

When I reached the office, my boss informed me that the meeting was cancelled. The cancellation was because of an unfortunate incident with one of the participant.

My mood tanked, and there was nothing I could do to snap out of it. I blamed my luck. This meeting was expected to change my career for the better. But as always, something cropped up that dashed my hopes.

I was hard on myself.

There was no explanation for this unfortunate happening. Everything looked like a failure.

This incident happened to me about 20 years back, but I remember how unsettling it was even to this day. Such events would upset me, and I would blame my fate. For days on end, I would be miserable.

I evaluated this incident based on my belief that luck would never favour me. I was stuck with this belief.

My thinking was neither rational nor logical. I was under the influence of cognitive bias that had made me believe that good things never happened to me.

Choosing one’s attitude

Hogg & Vaughan (2005) defined an attitude as “a relatively enduring organization of beliefs, feelings, and behavioral tendencies towards socially significant objects, groups, events or symbols.”

Different Psychologist’s have defined Attitudes in different ways. In summary, attitude is generally a positive or negative view of a person, place, event or object.

Attitudes can change since they are not carved on stone.

Celebrated Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl said about attitude, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Whenever something did not turn out the way I had expected, I would blame it on my luck. I had chosen to react to such incidents with frustration, bitterness and would make myself miserable. I learnt later in life that I was negatively looking at things. The power to change my way of thinking and, therefore, my behaviour was in my control. But I was making no effort to look at it with a different lens. I had used the freedom to chose my attitude, but I had made the wrong choice.

Developing a positive mindset

My coach helped me become aware of my self-limiting beliefs. I had to shift my mindset and develop a positive attitude towards life. It wasn’t easy at first. Because while I understood the negative thoughts held me back, I wondered how to shift my perspective. I had only seen failures so far.

The road to a successful life depended on my attitude. I could change my destiny if I let go of the beliefs that I had closely held for so long. The power of attitude could change my future. It took some time, but when the words did sink in, I started looking at things more positively. The turning point came one year after I changed my attitude to look at situations more positively. After that, there was no looking back. I was energized to make my dreams come true.

Lessons I learnt on how to achieve success through a positive mental attitude.

I had decided to let go of the negative thought pattern that had put me in a permanent state of pessimism. My coach was my accountability partner while I walked on this difficult journey. My experience taught me a few things.

  • One needs an intense desire to change and achieve something, and only then it gets done. I had to remain strong in the face of repeated adverse events.
  • Positive affirmation helped me to overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. Every morning I would say I will be successful in my career.
  • I surrounded myself with friends, relatives and colleagues who inspired and motivated me.
  • Instead of blaming myself for any bad event, I started looking for practical solutions to improve the situation. There was learning in every situation. Eventually, I was looking for opportunities in any adverse case and was striving to achieve my goal.
  • My efforts helped me find my inner strength, which was a significant transformation for me.

William Ernest Henley very rightly said in his poem, Invictus: “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.” One has to position oneself firmly in the driver’s seat and take control to reach your final destination. I did get to my destination and achieved all my goals.

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you” -Brian Tracy.

Life Is A Merry-Go-Round Ride

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Who doesn’t want to feel like a kid again? I would love to be one!! There is something magical about it.

I still love the merry-go-round and don’t hesitate to ride one whenever the opportunity presents itself.

“Life is a merry-go-round ride”, reminds me of the childhood rhyme we all grew up singing in our kindergarten,

“Ring a ring, a rosie

A pocketful of posies

A-tishoo! a-tishoo!

We all fall down.”

Isn’t Life somewhat similar?

Life is a roller coaster, with many highs and lows and curves. We get tossed around, but things level out in the end, and life returns to normal until the next ride.

I can relate to this with my example. When I passed my final year of engineering and received a job offer letter from a well-known engineering company in Pune, I was full of energy and optimism and felt like I was on top of the world.

I started my career excitedly and enthusiastically, like a child hopping onto a merry-go-round.

Like the horses on the merry-go-round that goes up and down, repeating the same motion, my career also experienced success, achievements, failures, setbacks and disappointments. And this continued throughout my career of three decades and more.

Each time I changed jobs, I went through this same cycle. Initially, everything in the new job is exciting, and then slowly, the monotony sets in.

I had to take on further risks, grab new opportunities, work on new initiatives and keep moving. Despite the challenges, I kept pushing forward and finding new ways to develop and grow professionally.

After spending three decades and more in the industry, reflecting on my career journey, I realised that despite the ups and downs, it was all worth it.

I feel grateful for the experiences, the people I met along the way and the lessons I learned.

What I experienced in my career is also what we experience in all aspects of our lives.

Life is Fleeting

The phrase, Life is a merry-go-round also suggests that life is fleeting and we should enjoy the ride while we can.

The fragility of life is daunting, and it inspires us to live in the present and enjoy and appreciate every moment we have.

The COVID-19 pandemic brought home the reality that Life is fleeting.

I lost some good friends who were hale and hearty a few days before they became seriously ill, had to be admitted to the hospital, and succumbed to the disease. It reminded me of the fragility and unpredictability of Life.

It is easy to get caught up in the daily grind of Life. Life can change instantly; therefore, we need to cherish every moment with our loved ones.

Time passes quickly, and I, therefore, adopt some fundamental ways to embrace the fleeting nature of Life,

  1. Appreciating people and letting them know how much I love and care for them helps me cherish every moment I spend with them. Life is short, and we never know when our loved ones will be taken away from us. My mom has been diagnosed with late-onset dementia. I spend time with her and look at old photos with her. She remembers something, and we talk about it. When she is in a good mood, I ask her for recipes, and she tells me whatever she remembers. I spend time every evening watching television with her. My friends come and meet her every evening and hug her.
  2. Pursue my passions even amid all uncertainties. I continue spending time consulting, writing and gardening even though a large part of my day is spent in elder care activities.
  3. I have started maintaining a gratitude journal and spending time every evening reflecting and writing about things I am grateful for. I write about all things that made me smile during the day.

In conclusion, I have learnt to make the most of every moment. Life is a precious gift, and better make it meaningful.

From Struggles to Success: The Relationship Between Pain And Happiness

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“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” – Haruki Murakami

This insightful quote resonates with ancient Buddhist wisdom and holds a profound truth. I’ve encountered its wisdom in my personal journey, and today, I witness its relevance when working with young leaders and individuals within the companies I consult for.

There is a relationship between pain and happiness. Be it in personal life or professional life.

My aspiration to become an engineer after graduating from school was fraught with challenges. Securing admission to my preferred college was an arduous endeavour, and even after achieving that milestone, I had to exert immense effort to enrol in the engineering branch of my choice.

My father, a source of enduring wisdom, instilled in me the belief that success doesn’t come easily. He often cited Winston Churchill’s words, “Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” This lesson has remained my guiding light throughout my life.

Many young people today dream of a thriving corporate career, a prestigious corner office, financial prosperity, and a harmonious work-life balance. However, they often underestimate the demanding journey that leads to such achievements. Failure to anticipate and address the challenges on this path can result in disappointment and depression.

Success and happiness in the professional realm necessitate a willingness to grapple with adversity, job uncertainties, setbacks, rejections, and, at times, toxic work environments or lengthy commutes. The rewards and contentment we seek are intrinsically connected to the difficulties we endure—a truth that cannot be ignored.

It’s akin to taking bitter medicine; only by doing so can we alleviate suffering and find the rewards we seek.

The Oak Tree In The Garden- Embracing Pain

Allow me to share a Zen story that underscores the importance of embracing suffering as an integral facet of life:

In a lush garden filled with an array of trees, flowers, and plants, a towering oak tree stood at the centre, exuding strength and grandeur. Many admired this oak tree for its imposing presence.

One day, a traveller passing through the garden took notice of the oak tree and approached it. He exclaimed, “You are undeniably a magnificent tree, standing tall and proud. You must be the happiest tree in this entire garden.”

The oak tree humbly responded, “I appreciate your kind words, but my happiness isn’t solely derived from my stature and strength. Over the course of my long existence, I’ve weathered countless storms, fierce winds, and harsh winters. I’ve endured the pain of broken branches, falling leaves, and the weight of snow and ice on my limbs. These very experiences have molded me into the tree you see before you.”

Perplexed, the traveller inquired, “But how can you claim to be happy after enduring so much suffering?”

The oak tree replied, “It is through these storms and struggles that I have grown stronger, developing deeper roots. It is through pain that I’ve acquired resilience. It is amidst the changing seasons that I’ve found peace and acceptance. Happiness, to me, is not the absence of suffering but the wisdom to discover joy and contentment amid life’s challenges.”

This Zen story poignantly illustrates that happiness is not the mere absence of pain and suffering but, instead, the capacity to unearth meaning, growth, and serenity amidst life’s tribulations.

The Energy Of Mindfulness for Embracing Pain

Practising mindfulness breathing can give us the inner strength to embrace pain and suffering. Thich Nhat Hanh, the renowned Zen Buddhist master, elucidates the art of finding happiness amid suffering in his book, “No Mud, No Lotus: The Art of Transforming Success.” This practical guide empowers us to tackle life’s problems, both minor and monumental, with equanimity.

Wrapping Up

In life, there are no rewards without risks, just as there is no destination without a journey. Isabel Allende aptly captures this sentiment: “There is no light without shadow, just as there is no happiness without pain.” Embracing pain and suffering as part of our journey is the path to true happiness and fulfilment.

How Transition Coaches Aid in Coping With Life’s Changes

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Photo by Oleksandr P on Pexels.com. Navigating Life’s Transitions.

A friend of mine was in tears last week as she told me that her son was recently made redundant and has now been forced to join another company in a different city.

She was concerned and worried about his move and the significant career transition he had to go through.

Humanity is currently experiencing a chaotic world. In this world, life transitions are frequent. Mastering the skills to manage changes and transitions therefore becomes crucial.

“Your life is a story of transition. You are always leaving one chapter behind while moving on to the next.” – Anonymous.

From the time we crawl out of the womb, we experience change. Many changes happen during our lifetime. Change invariably happens as we transition to a new phase in life, moving from infancy, childhood to adolescence, adulthood to old age. 

We may not always be prepared for the changes, but we accept them and move on, sometimes with resistance. So, change is not new for us, yet we don’t like it. 

Revolutionary changes, climatic changes, and pandemics are affecting our lifestyles and throwing us off balance. Year 2020 was disruptive for all of us, and our routines have changed forever.

 Somewhere in this life’s journey, we tend to carve out a comfort zone for ourselves. A pattern sets in. We get conditioned to a particular lifestyle and follow routines. Even a slight disturbance to the routine makes us cringe. We question the reason that rocked the boat. Even a positive change makes us feel unsettled and nervous.

What are life transitions?

A life transition is any change that impacts our life in a significant way.

Psychologist William Bridges’ famous book explains the challenging nature of transitions. According to him, the middle ground between the ending of something and a new beginning of something else, where things are uncertain, makes us feel unstable and anxious. The middle ground is a challenging no man’s land. Be it a positive change like a job promotion or a negative change like a death of a loved one, they both move us from our established routines and therefore become difficult to manage.

Difference between Change and Transition

There is a very subtle difference between change and transition. 

According to William Bridges, author and expert on change leadership, change is considered external and tied to a certain situation. Transition is internal, the emotional process of how you react to the change.  This difference is key to working with change and helping others navigate the transition process. We do not have any control over changes in our environment, whereas transition is how we react to and respond to changes and we can control our reactions

Why are transitions always stressful?

Fear of the unknown can send us in a million directions. Life transitions are stressful because they force us to let go of the familiar. Any change and growth generally begin with some loss. And whenever there is a loss, we feel anxious.

Life transitions can be positive or negative, planned or unplanned. But any change always causes some disruption and is life-altering.

Life transitions are complex, but they also have a positive side. Change is crucial if you have to convert dreams into reality. And therefore, going through the transition can leave us with life lessons.

A personal example of a significant life transition

“Life is like an airport runway. You have to make space constantly so new opportunities can land.” Paul Hanna.

New opportunities are positive changes but can move us from our established routines.

 A few years back, I went through an anticipated positive change. I was promoted and asked to manage a complex technical integration program in a different city. On the one hand, there was the excitement of the new opportunity. On the other hand, there was nervousness, anxiety and fear of the security of the role I had left behind.

 Added to it was the stress of moving to a different city and leaving behind my family. During this transition, I often questioned my decision and couldn’t understand why I had chosen this route. When routine gets disrupted, uncertainty creeps in. I was resilient enough to manage this stress and did not allow this disruption to prolong.

My life was always full of transitions during my childhood and later during my growing-up years in school and college. There was always a new routine in a new city, a new school or a new college. But there was always support and structure to guide me.

I have depended on this system in my personal and professional life and have therefore always taken less time to adapt and accept changes. Embracing change comes easy to me. Whenever I resist change, my energy levels dip, and this causes a different outcome.

My early years helped me build resilience, so even when I had to move to a different city on promotion, I overcame the stress and anxiety related to the relocation and the new job.

Mental distress during the transition

Fear creates anxiety. It can shut people out. The mental stress that some of us experienced during COVID was due to fear. During the lockdown, each of us went through different worries: fear of not having enough food stock, fear of falling sick due to the virus, fear of not being able to work or return to the office, fear of not knowing when the pandemic would end. Fear is the root cause of mental distress. Fear of the unknown during transition causes mental stress.

Navigating through transition

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” Socrates

Navigating through transition is not always easy. Many life transitions like high school to college or marriage into divorce or widowhood can be tough to manage.

Transitioning to retirement from a busy working life is another typical example of when people face anxiety. Such twists and turns cannot be avoided. Organizational events like restructuring, mergers and acquisitions, and financial problems can bring changes.

 You will have to face the transition as change will happen whether you like it or not. The only way to deal with such transitions is to acknowledge your emotions as the change impacts you and actively participate in the process.

According to William Bridges, the transition involves three stages:

  1. An ending
  2. A neutral zone
  3. A new beginning

The first step is to acknowledge that change has occurred. Without being judgmental, make a note of what has changed.

The second stage of the neutral zone is the most uncomfortable transition stage. It is during this phase that physiological realignment takes place.

You may not know everything, but setting short-term goals at this stage can help you towards a new beginning and to overcome uncertainty. Keep an open mind and look forward to the beginning and the new possibilities it can create.

As you reach the third stage, some clarity will emerge. Consider this a new beginning. There could be new challenges, but there could also be small wins. Acknowledge these small wins.

How coaches and therapist can help navigate during the transitions

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”- Carl Jung.

In this process of what you choose to become, transition coaches can be a great help.

 Be it life transition, career transition or any change, coaches can provide a supportive and productive coaching relationship and help you meet your goals while holding you accountable and keeping you focused on the new beginning. They can help you learn life skills and self-care when facing challenging situations.

A transition coach can partner with you in helping you develop a new leadership skill while navigating the career change.

Transition coaching can help you regain your self-confidence. It can help you see the bigger purpose by supporting you in finding a career that best suits your intrinsic needs and leveraging your potential.

A transition coach or a therapist can help you in the following:

1.         Effective stress management if you are suffering from work-related or personal anxiety.

2.         Help you strategize and create action plans to achieve your goals and desired career.

3.         Overcoming fear and procrastination.

4.         Holding you accountable and keeping you focused while you take actions to meet your goals.

5.         Helping you align your role with your core values.

Victor Hugo has rightly said “Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.” This is true for all life and career transitions.